#i feel trapped i guess and theres much worse to happen to a person but sometimes i wonder why i work so hard

[riise-my-anngel]

Idk i just think theres something to say the brothers all realizing what time period you are trapped in and the way they fall apart.

Lucifer and Belphie understand the others fear. Both of them came close to, or succeeded in killing you and they know that time period they WILL try again and thats terrifying. They've done a lot to personally grow from their actions towards you.

And they both have nights where they sit in Lucifers study, drinks in their hand, discussing if they could live with themselves if you are killed by their past selves. And also what happens if you come back, but sre scared or lost trust in their present selves.

Its the most honest the two of of them have been in a long time. Their unique out of the brothers. Their violence towards you was unforgivable but yet you not only forgave them but now love them. Lucifer and Belphie are powerless to protect you from their past selves and they hate themselves for being such violent demons that they know hurting you is probable.

Satan, well, no one understands. He barely does. His room is a wreck. He hasn't been like this in centuries. He has no idea what his past self is capable of towards you all he remembers is his hate for his brothers and no amount of magic would spare you from his wrath tearing your body into peices.

Everyone at RAD is terrified of Satan, everyone who isn't the brothers, angels, or the royals refuse to bring your name up. He's already had to pay for damaging quite a few walls and doors because lesser demons would comment to him about him "finally losing his dumb little pet".

It isn't lost on Satan that the very fact that you're trapped in a time period where his wrath is dangerous and unpredictable, and that has led his present self to cope by being dangerous and unpredictable. He just isn't himself without you anymore.

Levi is lost in a fantasy world. Its easier to pretend you're just in your room if he hides away to his anime and his video games. He can just pretend everything is fine but the second he remembers your not there? Well the HoL isn't the only place that has had issues with Lotan being summoned. A lesser demon made a comment about the "human finally moving on from the lord of losers" and whoops guess that demon and quite a few others drowned to death. Over and over again until Diavolo had to step in and make Levi stop.

Beel can't figure out if he's ravenous or if he never wants to eat again. He fluctuates, some days he destroys whatever kitchen he's in, be it HoL, RAD cafeteria or just whatever restaurant he happens to be nearby. Other days he spends hours in the kitchen making your favourite devildom food, trying to recreate the human world food you two made together, but once its done he feels sick to his stomach that you can't just be there cooking with him and he can't see that shy smile you hide behind your hand when you have something you love. So he just tosses them onto the dining table for the brothers and goes to Fangol practice instead. At least he is more allowed to be aggressive there.

This is worse then losing Lilith, because he might never know what happened to you. Protecting people was his JOB and if he couldn't protect you, then its worse then having to choose betwern siblings lives. It means Beel failed before even trying, in his eyes.

Asmo doesn't recognize himself. He didn't realize how much time his vanity was actually spent with you in his chair and him draped over you behind him constantly doting on you. He buys things he thinks you'd look stunning in or things with your favorite scent and as soon as he gets home? Well not much gets kept. He throws the bottles at his tub until its a scattered mess of liquids that needs to be cleaned and clothes he bought you get torn up. Why should he keep them if you never come home, they would just be a reminder of what he can never see again. He doesn't recognize his reflection without you. You love him for who he is not what he looks like, but all alone he can never see the good you saw in him and he hates that all is left in his reflection is a bitter, miserable demon who lost the only person who loves him for his inner self.

No one even tries to sleep with him, he didn't fool around once you two shared your feelings but now hes offended at even being propositioned. These demons, succubus and incubus, they all just see his face and body and want a peice. You looked him in the eye and fell in love without any charm or magic. Who do these people think they are assuming they could ever live up to you? Many nights he goes out, he ends up physically attacking people who dare get too touchy with him.

Mammon tried. He really did. He wanted to keep his brothers together, but it just isn't working. No one knows if you're alive anymore and Solomon has stopped bothering trying to send word through time to update on your status. Once Solomon stopped? The brothers couldn't stand listening to Mammon being calm and rational anymore. No one knew if you were ever coming back and Mammon didn't know how to make them believe otherwise when he didn't know himself.

He's not in the house a lot anymore. He spent too much time with you in that house he can't stand the sight of it. Ironically he's never been richer. He doesn't see the joy in schemes or ploys without you to scold yet indulge him, you're not around to spend it on, so he just gambles. Wins more, has nothing to do with so he gambles.

In a winning streak, he'd either pull you right to his side or just haul you onto his lap to show off his pretty little good luck charm. Now he's winning all on his own and he doesn't give a shit about any of the people around vying for his attention or time. They ain't you, but he'll take their money cus what else is he going to do. You're not there and no one has the right to even think they could replace you.

They all know one thing though. If you never come back, Solomon better never come back either because they'll take out every single bit of pain on him for as long as the sorcerer could survive it.

[puhpandas]

i saw some of your posts about being anti-cassie's dad protag for HW2, which valid, but the theory's become so popular most people seem to accept it. HW2 is kind of a mess to theorize about what the string of events was considering both endings could easily be canon, but I guess I'll get to the point. I'm sure most people have heard plenty of theories about what happens in the game if it's Cassie's Dad as the protagonist, so I'm curious. If you don't think it's him, who do you think is most likely? And (while this is difficult to figure out with any protag..) what do you think is supposed to be happening throughout the game, like, timeline-wise/plot-wise? Personally I feel like Cassie's Dad protag is possible, but I don't think it's set in stone or that he would be a reoccuring character. Imo Cassie's Dad protag works best if he stays a one-off character, building onto Cassie's backstory. I kinda wonder if the "what makes you so special?" lines aren't actually saying he's special, but asking what he thinks makes him special enough to go through all this and survive. Still I'm really curious to hear alternatives! I'm definitely not attatched to that theory lol. I just haven't really heard anything else tbh since the theory's so big in the fandom..

theres tons of evidence (a lot of it already used for cassie dad protag evidence) that apply to Cassie protag. for starters hw2 is obviously incredibly reminiscent of hw1 with its ending. vanny traps you somewhere and waves, the same way glitchtrap trapped you somewhere and waved in hw1s canon ending.

it's been widely accepted that vanny cassie is very possible and the direction the story is going in so playing as cassie in the lobby and going through princess quest and helping vanny and it being implied Vannys using the player as a vessel now the same way glitchtrap used vanessa to create vanny makes it very plausible we play as cassie

theres also the 'unused' line (but they all perfectly apply to the game as it is right now and add much needed context that make the game actually make sense) that's from presumably vanny, saying: "it kept you for a reason"

not only does the it pronoun 100% mean the mimic (and cassie is still down there in the same place where the mimic is literally free rn but alive) but it means that the mimic purposefully didnt kill cassie and also probably was the one to drop the evelator because it has a plan for her. aka the plan is getting vanny a new vessel so mimic can resume operations

the lobby itself also perfectly matches post ruin. you have the vanni mask on first of all, but second of all theres little items around the lobby that hint that you're cassie. like the robot parts strewn around that could imply cassie is trying to repair roxy (theres also the helpy screen)

as for "what makes you so special" I think people are misinterpreting the cassie ending as it being Cassies dad and not a staffbot. it literally shows you straight up that you get attacked by other staffbots and made into maskbot and give cassie the mask. if anything it shows us that Cassies arrival was planned and it's more evidence that we play as her becoming vanny. but its ALSO a perfect explanation for how confusing the minigames are in telling us who we play as

we literally play as a staffbot/mapbot. the minigames go from clean and fixed animatronics to gradually getting worse. even when the pizzaplex is clean and the animatronics are just a bit dirty, we've only seen that in sb. we play as a staffbot from pre sb, during sb, and post sb. "what makes you so special" what makes you so special compared to the other staffbots

it also explains why the animatronics are mean to you. staffbots are seen as useless hunks of junk and its shown all across the pizzaplex and in ruin as well when they're constantly shown discarded and destroyed.

freddy also says the line "you ARE a Fazbear technician, arent you? idk bc I can't see you". it means we literally arent a Fazbear technician. were a staffbot. and the same applies for carnies line about kids. its prerecorded and we're just a robot anyway

I have more posts about all this stuff individually but more in depth in my hw2 theory tag. this is what I genuinely think and I believe cassie is the protag for sure. it just feels so clear with how reminiscent hw2 is of hw1s ending tied with the clear plot of vanny cassie it's just like. why would we play as her dad when we watch ourselves get trapped by vanny the same way vanessa did right in front of our eyes.

we have the cassie ending because it shows us how maskbot got the mask and where it came from. it came from glitchtrap + by extension the mimic and vanny. vanny betrays glitchtrap at the end but also traps cassie in the process. the elevator dropped on cassie in ruin because the mimic did it on purpose to enact this plan. I think hw2 is more straightforward than ppl realize if you put everything together from what we have and dont try your hardest to put other characters in when the game is definitely about vanny cassie

like hw2 and ruin were made at the same time. they go hand in hand and reference eachother in the game, even before one of them was even out. the story is about cassie becoming vanny, the whole thing. this game is an intermission (the song scorched cranberries (the end credits song) is elevator music) showing us how the new villain/character thatll be big in the next plot was created. this is about cassie

maybe her dad will have the spotlight in hw2s dlc. idk. he has something going on but nothing in hw2 I dont think.

[alphabet-p00p]

i cant really explain it i just feel like giving up all the time i feel sad i feel fatigued my head feels tired of overthinking i feel no motivation to go on and i see no future. i feel like trying to live in spite of this is living a certain lie. i need to find a therapist but i dont even know what kind of help i need. i probably need a few therapists and theyre all probably busy. i dont have the time i dont have the money i feel awful im just wasting money. i cant drop out of school because ive already sunk so much money in but i think i know at the core of it i dont want it because my parents want me to do it and i let myself get wrapped up in something i didnt really want which always happens always happens always happens. i keep some of the bad memories away with weed but then i become more reliant on it and ive thought about quitting but i get so so bored without it thats another thing the boredom always always.

i have been thinking about what life would look like for people if i did kill myself. i am really struggling in so many ways and i know people are struggling worse so i feel selfish and weak about that. i just look at my mountain of work and know there is nothing to save me.

my girlfriend made me a room and the only time i slept in it was when they were blackout drunk and i was mad at them and but really they had just given themself a concussion. im sick of feeling trapped like this too. why cant you fucking pull your weight. but theyre the only one who helps me.

winters are always bad and then theres college. it always starts like this too i fall behind and then its catch up for the next two months. but this time the fails feel even lower and the wins dont feel like anything. lately i have been taking every bad grade and correction and comment and critique so so personally and i have been really sensitive about negative comments towards me but at the same time been a miserable hater. this happens a lot too during the school year. i attribute this to my own stress and my own frustration at not being at a school that actually specializes in what i do. im too far into a life i dont want and will be saddled with it for the rest of my life and im too far in to even start over or clear it all. i see this debt as something holding me back from running away. running away from my parents and running away from myself i guess.

i cant go on like this but i dont know what to do. i keep thinking about how peoples lives would go on if i died. im so tired.

[upsidedowngrass]

you ever think about how, on top of the other assorted traumas the main cast had to endure, they now have to deal with the fact that they know what the afterlife is like, and it sucks?

i DO and i think about it a LOT!!!

as is. probably expected. i think abt it the MOST wrt liam. because the way i see it, he does NOT like dying at all and he also KNOWS what it Really looks like. he KNOWS that theres nothing actually there, and all he knows of the waiting room is 1. a radio that is basically a device that is most likely to just get you killed, and 2. if you dont use the radio, you are trapped Forever. thats. not a pleasant way to view what awaits you

i actually think that eventually the waiting room would come to look like Something for liam years later once he gets home, and that it just looking as it truly is to him largely has to do with the immediate traumatic experiences he was going through all the times he saw it (something something, the waiting room showing you what you want or something you miss etc, but him not having anything to go off of because hes not thinking of much and is a bit detached from the stuff he COULD be thinking about, blah blah blah. my ideas on what determines if you see smth ARE a bit rough bc its so vague tho i also tend to think it has smth to do with if you were 'supposed' to die at that moment, like how stones knowledge of stuff clearly favors certain events over others. its hard to explain and i dont wanna derail this post. its not completely relevant) and that, once he Dies dies itll be Okay! but i think the fact that he knows what the waiting room can be at its worst would probably assume that, when he dies, everythings gonna suck for ETERNITY and id. imagine that is a very haunting thought process to have. i think death scares him a LOT because of this (he SAW julien, and i think the idea of that happening to him and no one ever helping , since it was so unlikely for julien to be saved anyway) and its. probably one of many things hes gonna HAVE to work out in therapy or smth . the guy went through TWO situations where he was trapped somewhere for Possibly Forever, the idea of that being what hes doomed to experience For The Rest Of Time is probably Not Pleasant and Not Helped by his other trauma

the other characters i think have a very different view of it, but not necessarily in a 'better' or 'worse' way . but its because all of them DID see soemthing in the room (or in amelias case, likely wasnt there long enough to even know WHAT she was looking at, let alone assess it.). bryce eventually saw it for what it was yeah, but he def KNOWS what it Can be. for bryce, then, i think its also. complicated? because it seems to be a tipping point for him in the series. and i think its because, when things go wrong and theres no Direct Person To Blame, hes like. almost sluggish? idk how to describe it, its almost similaar to how liam responds to things being fucked up, but feels fundamentally different, and hes just kinda There. if i had to guess, that has to do with his preexisting trauma and how he responds to it, but he generally comes across as if hes in shock the Whole time. the fact that he Died, For Real is uncomfortable to him, but it doesnt seem to mean Much wrt what the room is Showing him. i think the fact that its 'not real' is irrelevant, and i think thats ALL him. because its the exact thing he would Want to be real. id imagine its very dreamlike. and most people jsut Go Along with things in their dreams

even when he comes to see the room as it is, it seems to have more with the fact that him and liam had to work together for a WHILE. we dont know how long they tried to get to stones world (other than that they were killed More than 20 times), but its safe to assume they Didnt realize theyd be able to get BACK home (given bryces surprise at teh san francisco note). so when they actually find stones world its like. bryce DOES care abt liam, and has the whole time (with him going up the smokestack being the biggest indicator. 'i want my car keys back,' as many have pointed out is. a reason, but an obvious excuse). the notes ARE saying something, texty JUST found something important. but liam is upset to not have gotten ANYTHING out of dying 20 times, and while bryce was mostly just Going Along before, now it seems like theres an Actual possibility they could stop airy because they just DID, and liam DOESNT notice it??? and i think, then, his primary goal becomes something the room cant replicate, not really (side note, that we dont see what bryce sees because its a Show. and i think many people assume Right when texty brought them back that he saw it was. but i think it Stopped showing the suburbs AS he was talking to liam, hence the surprise! i imagine it was visually similar to when a setting changes in a dream. but thats not important to this post). from here, he doesnt seem more OPTIMISTIC, but it seems like hes more. content? determined? which i imagine has to do with 'thought he was dead Forever, and was in shock' -> 'thought he was dead Forever, but might be able to help the other contestants! which is good!' -> 'hes NOT dead forever. but like. he STILL can help them!' which i think is a weird combo of Good News and a New Goal RIGHT after smth Super Fucked Up

anyway, the conclusion that tangent was supposed to visualize is that. i think the waiting room might be. mostly positive to bryce??? but in the same way someone might think positively of something saving them from smth fucked up. like that isnt to say the bryce likes it but i think its a complex appreciation?? im not sure. he talks a lot abt how he doesnt want to throw everything away Again, and i think the waiting room almost Contradicted everything about that? like. dying SHOULDVE been the end of everything. but it??? wasnt??? it ultimately didnt help anything substantially, but like. he went through All That and came out alive, somehow? endorphins were probably also at play

but then also it DID lead to him dying 20+ times. so its certainly not just positive for him. but i think overall this would make how he feels about the waiting room. pretty complex? and probably confusing for himself. given that he saw it as it was for a relatively short amount of time, and the two didnt take too much time trying to figure out WHAT the room even WAS, i dont think itd be easy to connect everything together. and it wouldnt be unreasonable for him to assume that itd be the suburbs if he ever went back, or that if it WAS that orange and pink place, maybe thats not fully bad? but eeither way, itd certainly be disorienting to think about. i think the idea of it not having been Real would be confusing and maybe a bit upsetting, but he doesnt strike me as caring TOO much if its 'real.' though i think the idea of spending the rest of existence in something Fake would also be. unnerving

charlotte also definitely saw Something. its never clarified WHAT, but the fact that she saw something is Clear. and i think shed probably be affected by it in a more subtle way, because she NEVER saw it as it was. as far as she knows, when she died, she was shown something (and likely someone) that she wanted to go to, so i think shed see it as mostly a positive place. a very desirable place to be!!! but that has little to do w how shed feel abt dying itself. because i think the idea of death not being smth Bad would be comforting, but also the act of dying itself would be the unsettling in itself. that, and the fact that she can be brought back Easily, potentially. which ALSO isnt necessarily negative but also i think would be Weird to think about. that you can be somewhere great forever, for the rest of existence, but at any moment that place could be taken away. Really, its not that much different from the trauma of the plane (though, given her life beforehand, the idea of being taken from someplace definitively Good might be more unique to her having died) but its likely smth that would Still impact her

amelia then is the most complicated to figure out out of the four? bc we dont even know how much she SAW. it likely wasnt MUCH but like. she seems to know she Died, at the very least, and knows how temporary it Can be (however unrealistic that may seem) . as such i think her feelings on the waiting room are probably hazy, and what ideas she DOES have are closer to charlottes. most of what she knows about it would likely be based around what the others tell her. really, for amelia, i think the more haunting aspect is the Dying part. i think it affects her sense of self, and that having been brought back partially Didnt happen. that amelia died, and scenty was respawned. as such, i think the waiting room COULD be a negative concept for her, but only on account of it having been the last thing that the idea of amelia probably ever saw. that, or the first thing the idea of where scenty begins starts. just a extremely brief glimpse into somewhere dreamlike, and then a huge shift in self. i think post canon this feeling of having Died lingers a LOT, and what would haunt her about the afterlife has more to do with the idea of ANOTHER loss of self. which would also have to be smth Worked out in therapy or smth of that nature

basically i think they all would have verrry different thoughts on the waiting room , but even those among them that dont have a completely negative view of it wouldnt necessarily see it positively. and i think itd suck for them . SO bad. but i think someday it would maybe suck a little less!

[humble-butter]

love going out into my kitchen/living room between class periods and seeing how beautiful the morning is outside and im not at all an outdoorsy person but i feel such a Yearning to be free o f this monotony i [slips back into daydreaming of running to the idyllic european countryside to become a beekeeper]

[inkdemonapologist]

Been a lot of emotions in recent BatIM Call of Cthulhu events!!

Prophet Sammy slipped and sank into the mud in the swamp and immediately went into DROWNING FLASHBACKS from his inky death back in the Star Pools. Stunningly, panicking and thrashing around did not help and in fact only got him more stuck.

Henry was the one to pull Sammy out, which is a bit weird, because the Prophet didn’t actually... expect them to... want to help him??? Henry was also leaking gold blood out of his face from doing some intense magic (???), it’s fine, don’t worry about it.

Prophet Sammy ran out of ink, which he has to drink periodically to keep himself from changing back into normal Sammy, and JOEY... GAVE HIM SOME OF HIS OWN INK SO HE COULD HAVE A LITTLE MORE TIME???? Both me and the Prophet were absolutely flabbergasted.

We rescued Jack’s old boyfriend Peter, that newspaper editor guy from before! He was trapped in another world and Jack managed to guide him back to this one and we all pulled his reflection out of the Lake and fought off the eldritch horror that tried to follow him out to our world! THERES A LOT HAPPENING IN THIS GAME

As always Boo has the summary posts for a more detailed description of events, but if you’re here for out-of-context quotes IVE GOT YOU COVERED, here’s some quotes from Session 7:

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[Henry] *rolling dice* Some nice dice clacking for the auditory experience, [Sammy] Call of Cthulhu ASMR [Joey] Some clacking dice, some screaming,

[GM] But you are on the shallower end of it, so you're not sinking. You are SUPER muddy. [Joey] That's fine-- [Jack] Noooo!! Jack's sweater!!!!!

[GM] Jack's turn! Make a luck roll, Jack! [Jack] *rolls terribly* ...hrrMMM... [GM] Okay. We'll just. We'll just keep that. For later. :)

[Sammy] Sammy is scrambling and panicking and yelling! [GM] Make a strength check! [Sammy] Cool, I'm good at those. *rolls* Success! [GM] You strongly thrash yourself about waist-deep in the mud. [Sammy] [Sammy] OKAY, um, [Sammy] That is. Uh. Worse. Than it was previously, yes? [GM] Yeah. :) [Sammy] OKAY, COOL,,, JUST CHECKING,

[Sammy] I don't think it's good when the GM says "Fun!" I think that's bad.

[GM] *flipping through notes* Where are your stats. Where are your stats, sir. [Sammy] "Young man, where are your stats?" [Jack] If he didn't do his homework, then all his stats are zero.

[Henry] Nope. I'm gonna accept my fate. Henry's goin' to space. [GM] The angel doesn't try to claw Henry, but it does pick him up! He's in the air. [Henry] Bye guys!

[GM] A gunshot does come from the brush also, and it hits the angel next to the one that's got Henry. [Henry] (Thanks, Norman!) [Jack] Does Norman have a gun??? [GM] Norman's not going to go into a cult swamp without a gun! What kind of crazy person would do that?!

[Sammy] I'm sorry if we lose your hat, Jack. [Jack] D: Nooo it's not his hat! [Sammy] Yeah I know, well I'm sorry if we lose it. [Joey] Yeah, sorry. [Jack] Noooo he needs to give that back! [Joey] well then he should wAKE UP!!! [Sammy] Love the idea that Peter later comes through here and finds his own hat discarded on the ground and is like, OH NO, JACK! [GM] Make another luck roll, maybe it's still on. [Jack] Okay dice! This is the ONLY thing I need you t-*sound of dice bouncing off the desk* whoOPS--

[Henry] *still held aloft by eldritch horrors* I'm guessing I don't hear anything either [GM] No, you're just having a nice little roller coaster ride.

[Joey] Ohhh... I guess we wouldn't need to breathe in space, huh. [Joey] ...AM I BREATHING???

[Joey] What time is it... are we at like, 8:30, 9ish? [GM] Well that's highly specific! What happens at 8:39?!

[Joey] Joey's still not willing to let random cultists carry Jack, unless they can do something to convince him??? [Sammy] I feel like the main convincing tool at this point is GUNS? Pointed at us. I think that's the main thing.

[Jack] I guess Jack is the imposter, since he's not doing human things like "breathing"

[GM] And shove all of you into a hut! With Norman-- no, that's right, he didn't get caught, I keep forgetting, his Hide skill is higher than I thought it was. Norman's still at large! [Jack] NORMAN, IS LOOSE, IN THE SWAMP [Joey] What crimes will he commit!

[Jack] This is why you don't smear your weird glowing blood on symbols that are known to watch!!!

[GM] They probably did take away a lot of your cooler stuff. [Sammy] I didn't have any cool stuff. I just had a coat. [Joey] You had ink. [Sammy] *muttering* I wasn't going to mention that that was in my coat.

[Joey] Joey is going to grab Sammy's face... and give him some of his ink. [Sammy] *stunned* Oh...! [Joey] We don't need a passed out Sammy!! [Jack] Only ONE unconscious man in this party!

[Jack] How has Cthulhu AU made "Joey feeds Sammy ink" wHOLESOME in some way?!?

[GM] They've got him in a robe now, and they've painted that yellow sign on it -- possibly in Henry's blood, because why not! [Joey] Excuse me, you did not get license to use that; I'm going to sue you in court now, [Jack] Unethically sourced! [GM] ...Did you just call Henry's blood your IP?

[GM] *startled laugh* my husband just said "Intravenous Property,"

[GM] The other prophet guy seems to be having a grand old time. It is even-odds whether he might just look over to see if Sammy's looking, just to smirk at him. [Sammy] oHHHHHH BOY. I hate this guy! I hate him. [Jack] Okay, well, I wanna-- [Sammy] *still going* I know who I'M sacrificing. [Jack] --Sammy, no. [Joey] You want to make a GOOD sacrifice, not give him trash. [Sammy] ...*sighs* Yeah, yeah, you're right... [Jack] You don't want to give the Masked Messenger a McDonald's burger.

[GM] It's Pete! [Sammy] Oh! Sammy vaguely knows who this is. [Henry] I'm gonna make a check to see if Henry recognises this guy, in the heat of the moment. [Jack] In the Pete of the moment. >:3c [Sammy] *groans* Why would you do this. Everyone was being so well-behaved.

[Sammy] I'm gonna... I'm gonna wait. Gonna be actually, a little bit smart. Trying out this new thing.

[GM] One of the angels is definitely heading your way. [Jack] Oops. [Sammy] ...what if we just... close the door.

[GM] And a sanity roll from Joey and anyone else that is watching this. [Sammy] *sarcastic deadpan* Oh No. I'd Better Look Away. *scoffs* Why would I NOT want to watch my lord work?

[GM] It does a d8 + damage bonus, which, I don't think Joey has one. But it does a d8. [Joey] Does Bendy have one? [GM] No! Bendy's damage bonus is NEGATIVE TWO because he's a tiny cartoon character! You don't want his damage bonus. [Jack] You attack and there's a squeaky hammer noise,

[GM] Peter doesn't seem to have a reflection. [Sammy] ...Do we? [GM] Yeah [Sammy] Okay. That's cool, that's nice, luv 2 reflect. [Jack] *whispering* Peter vampire???

[GM] Sammy thinks this is a spawn of the Yellow King, something that happens to people who dabble too much in his worship. [Sammy] Again, MORE reason why this guy is an idiot and trusting the wrong god! [Sammy] ...Sammy knows all this stuff and is still like "yeah, but the Masked Messenger is cool! I'll definitely be rewarded for my service!"

[Jack] Jack didn't learn how to ASTRAL PROJECT for Pete to get eaten by something!!

[Sammy] Did they steal our ink??? [GM] Looks like they poured it out. [Jack] Pour one out for their FAKE LORD,

[Jack] Rescued. From a cult. By a second, different cult! [Joey] Our cult is COOL, though. [Henry] the coolt

[thefanbasewhore]

I loved your Javier preference can you do "You're not alone, I'm here." With Javier? 💞💞

Summary: based off the prompt list I reblogged. Javier is there for the new DEA agent after her first shoot out.

This is short, I'm getting ready to go to bed but wanted to fit a little something in. Enjoy! No use of Y/N.

Warning/content: Fluffy Javier, descriptions of shooting and killing. Reader is a young agent but her and Javi kind of have a thing.

Paring: Javier Peña/Female Reader

Colombia is beautiful, absolutely breath taking between the thick green forests, clear beaches and warm weather it's almost a dream. Family from the states would often stare how jealous they are of her, saying that one should be grateful for an opportunity like this.

But it was lonely.

Let's face it, being new anywhere sucks, the agents who have been here for years had their own clique, friends bonded by time and even blood which left her an unknowing outsider. While the other fellow DEA agents were grouping at a bar trying to forget the demons of the day she found herself alone every single night.

There's something about silence that makes chills creep up the devil's neck, the over thinking it entitles and she's has plenty of time personally witnessing how soul crushing it could be. After particularly rough days, seeing things that make her skin burn she would contemplate resigning, going home to face failure but at least have company again.

Two agents in particular are the only two who would bother talking to her. Agent Murphy and Agent Peña, desks only feet away from her own but she even thinks it's out of pure pity, they're nice men but work too much. Always busy, never around when the office dies and she's faced with the predicament of going home or staying longer at the office to avoid the insecure hours of silence that were bound to come.

"Agent." The words make her snap her head up away from the paper work scattered across the desk, peering into the dark swirls of brown, they match the curling hair at the base of his neck. "You ready to go?"

"Where?" The small dimples that pop through the patches of facial hair are enough to make anyone's knees weak, but luckily she's sitting, just admiring the beautiful man in front of her.

While she did believe it was only out of pity, she might have a teeny, tiny crush on him. How could she help it? Javier was hot headed, a fool with emotions, slept with a too many woman but was compassionate, smart, brave, handsome but most of all called her Hermosa.

She has no idea what it means, her spanish is shit but the way the words roll to perfectly from his tongue, the way his dimples peak smirking after they are muttered literally makes it hard to breath. Much like now, eyebrows raised in a teasing matter, a small chuckle falls from his perfect pout as he leans against the desk. "You didn't listen to a word I said did you?"

"I, um.." Hating the way her cheeks heat up she clears her throat, acting as if there's something stuck that causing the change of color in her face. "Was reading the report.."

"We need to head out to check a tip, meet you outside in ten hermosa." Theres thosd words again, she's completely speechless only nods a validation of understanding. She can't help as her eyes run down the back of his silhouette, a pink shirt stretches over his broad shoulders dipping into the curve of his slim waist then to his jeans that curve so perfectly over his -.

Shaking her head from the thoughts she stands, pulling her jacket over shoulders to joint Javier outside.

Javier is the perfect gentleman, opening the door to the car, asking if the air conditioning setting are okay not only once but twice not wanting her to be uncomfortable. Despite only knowing the man for a few months, and crushing embarrassingly hard, she felt more comfortable in this car then she did at her own home.

It's almost impossible to stop looking at him, one hand on the wheel, the other bringing a cigarette to his pout, lips wrapping around to take a large puff. His shirt is buttoned to the middle of his chest, even though it is scarce there are a few dark hairs that poke out from it, down his lean torso to his flattening thighs due to the pressure of the seat under him. He's looks so good, it's not right, he has to be at least ten or more years older but she wants nothing more than to lean against him, touch those lips with her own, run her fingers around the fatness of his bottom lip, feel his tongue poke out to suck on them.

"See something you like?" It's a tease, smirk that not only makes her cheek ignite but chest blush with pink patches. She's been caught, silent as her mouth drops to say something but Javier beats her to it. "I'm kidding, you should have seen your face."

"You're an asshole." The words are said with harsh tone, but with a smile and an eye roll that softens it up. "I was just actually wondering how many of those things you smoke a day, I heard they were bad for you."

The playful tone of earlier is gone, it's replaced by a lingering silence, a mix of anxiety and anticipation makes her stomach flip. The wall his cold against her skin but it helps hide her from the impending danger. Her breath is trembling, chest is expanding so fast she swears she can't breath.

It all happened so fast, Javier and her doing a sweep of the building then yelling, chaos erupting in the form of unforgiving bullets. Javier and her separated but him pushing her away from the danger only to face it head on himself.

One of them chasing and following her. While anyone would believe they would act heroic in the moment, run head first like Javi at the danger she couldn't, she ran up the stairs, hid in one of the bedrooms shooting the passerbys.

But now she realizes how much of a bad idea it was, trapping herself with the man only stands a few feet from her, a sickly smile matches his words as he points the gun at her. "There you are princess."

She's immobilized, pausing as eyes squeeze together expecting searing pain but the loud sound the echos the room has blood painting her face, body falling limp at her feet. Curled up in the most ridiculous position but eyes open wide with shock as Javier stands in front of her, gun still held high despite the dead man pooling blood on her legs, his own chest heaving with adrenaline.

She can't help it, the way the tears swell up, chin quivers no matter how much she tries to hide it. Javi's eyes never leave, only lower his gun, extending his hand for she can take it.

She reaches for it but the body the separates them makes her falter. "Hey -- look up, eyes on me. It's alright."

"I'm sorry. I ran away, I left you all alone." Word are breathlessly whispered with breaks, her lungs didn't want to work crushing her chest with deep sorrow. "I've never done this before."

Hands run over her face, feeling the blood smear across it, pulling her hand away to see the redness to meet the cause again before Javi is speaking again. "Eyes on me, take my hand."

The shift from the house to the car is blurry, between the tears and the blood it was nearly impossible to see anything, all she could think about was how slimy it felt against her pant leg, how the smell was almost metallically.

Javier had started the car, taking a drag of his cigarette and squeezing the bridge of his nose with the same hand. His eyes meet her again, noticing the blank stare directed at blood stained hands, Javi reaches over taking his jacket from the back seat to try and rub the blood away but it makes it worse, staining fingers a dark pink.

"I was the same way." Guessing it was her first time seeing a dead body but truthfully it doesn't get any easier, just starts to fade into normalcy. "Let's get you home hermosa."

"No --." The words are choked, loud as eye meet his with fear. Anything but the lingering silence home entitles, it would be a punishment not a relief. "Please, I don't want to go home. I am alone, I don't want to be alone."

Javi pauses to take in her words, eyebrows expressing confusion at the out burst. The way her chin quivers with uncertainty, tears push past eye lids if it wasn't for the situation he would tell her how beautiful she looks like this but instead slowly extends his hand to cup her cheek, moving closer to feel her warmth, thumb running over the highest point of her cheeks feeling them soak with a mixture of tears and blood. "You're not alone, I'm here sweet girl."

[axel-mania]

yesterday was the first time i met someone with ehlers-danlos. i was seeing her because she is a physical therapist with the disease i may have, and i hoped she could tell me whether my current pt is killing me with his treatment. and, you know, what she had done to be a working adult rather than someone frequently bedridden. it was a tiny office. i felt small, trapped, staring down at the intake paperwork, over a hundred questions and longer than any ive done before. i was so scared i wouldnt be able to get through that part and still have the scheduled meeting. but i guess she cared about seeing me, because even though other patients were asking for her help she still took the time to talk to me. 

so you write down all your pain, put down numbers that dont really convey anything about it, just trying to say that youre suffering and it should matter enough that something is done about it. i feel like im lying if i use all tens, but that means they might not take me seriously. on the flip side, im still walking and talking, no matter how feebly, so they might think im exaggerating it. my first adults' doctor told me id just have to learn to live with all this. but maybe this person understands. maybe shell care. 

youre just a six on the hypermobility scale. its eight to tens when we start to see the really bad conditions like ehlers-danlos. thats what the rheumatologist i was referred to said. but this physical therapist wasnt very flexible and shed been diagnosed. so she ended up completely redoing my evaluation. when i could bring myself to string more than a few words together to tell her, that is. i always feel stupid during these kinds of things. even if i record my pain, i dont have the right words to describe whats happening. i cant definitively answer all their questions, just give guesses. but she could see inflamed joints, out of place tendons, pops that i couldnt even hear. so i ended up meeting the criteria. it almost means nothing. 

i dont have an official diagnosis, which is almost impossible to gain, so i cant get benefits. well, i can at least pursue treatment, right? not really. she shot down the pain management options i had learned from the patient community, and said most people who felt worse in physical therapy were looking for someone to blame. shes the success case, and she presides over many more patients than me. so what could i do but accept it? 

theres only hard work. work you literally cant do if youre in enough pain. physically, im lucky. compared to others, my body has only broken down a little, so i can still do regular exercise. at the same time, no matter how hard i try, it will break down more. its a race alongside time. you can only get so much better as your body naturally gets worse. teaching your joints to stay in place doesnt mean making your body into a different one. 

youre never going to exist without pain every day. really sit with that for a second. you have to mentally say, im okay with this hard exertion every day, and im okay with it leading to only marginal and very long term benefits. i choose life no matter the consequences. 

and i cant choose that, not right now. not when i have questionable friends online and absolutely no one in real life. not when im living with my transphobic parents and am going to struggle to find any employment that can accommodate my disability. theres just really no reason. the one person who was dependent on me no longer is. i dont believe in life as an abstract good. so really, this seems to be a sign to kill myself.

whats going to happen isnt me dramatically and immediately hanging myself while my parents are asleep. its going to be a slow starvation. i repeatedly refuse to choose between life and death, fail to consistently do the exercise, and suffer more until its too much. this isnt exactly a cry for anyone to try talking me down. ive long since decided not to do that for others anymore, and i dont want it for me either. but it is sort of an open question... why are some people so happy to choose a miserable life? what do they have that i dont? maybe its a circular problem. im bitter because people arent caring for me enough, and people dont want to care for me because im bitter. 

[selenium-drive]

Stay Gold Chapter 7: The Revelation

TW: Kidnapping, murder, slavery, abuse

Words: 8.5k

Series rating: Explicit

It was nearly dawn when the worn out Mandalorian reached the Crest with his sleeping companion still situated on his back. The dull ache in his side from his previous encounter with the quarry he collected, had transcended into a throbbing, burning sensation with every small movement he made. His legs were on the verge of starting to tremble with each step he made on board the Crest from constant use and overwhelming fatigue. His hands had long gone numb from holding up the dead weight, passed out pilot he carried back home with him during the overnight search and rescue mission. Seeing the glow of his gunship under the moonlight of the open hangar ceiling gave Mando the final bit of strength he needed to get on board the ship and pilot them back to Mos Espa to deliver the bounty. Opening the hatch to the ship proved to be difficult without an extra free hand. The bounty hunter stumbled to a pile of stacked supply crates tucked away to the side off the hangar, and did his best to gently set Aurelia down on them while he lowered the ramp. She groaned in protest at the frigid desert air that hit her when she broke contact from the comforting warmth of the Mandalorian. Her eyes began to flutter open as she woke, taking in the sight of the vessel that they were about to board.

"Sleep well?" Mando asked. His own tired voice filtered oddly through the helmet's modulator, the weariness he felt making him sound intoxicated by intense exhaustion.

"Mmmm..yes, thank you," Aurelia answered groggily. She rubbed her eyes, suddenly flinching at the influx of pain that radiated throughout the side of her head. The pilot brushed her fingertips against the bruised, sensitive skin where the stock of Darro's rifle had previously struck her. She winced when her pain receptors strongly protested at the light contact her hand made with her temple.

"Perhaps I need to take a look at that," Mando said.

Aurelia shook her head a minuscule amount in protest. "I'm fine. Burg's hit from Ran's mission was far worse than this."

Mando ignored her attempt at downplaying her discomfort. Once the ramp had lowered itself to ground level, he placed one hand on the small of her back and scooped his other arm underneath her legs. He hoisted her up bridal style while pushing his own tribulation in the back of his mind. Aurelia glanced down at Mando's side, noticing the two big eyes and ears that poked out from the bag he wore around his torso. Her amber honey stare warmed the heart of the small infant, and she smiled to herself when The Child cooed excitedly at her.

"He was worried about you," Mando's raspy voice spoke just above her ear. "Don't ever do that again, leave like that, I mean. I know rescuing that girl was important to you. I don't understand why, and you might not tell me, but please, don't do that again."

A sensation guilt nestled in her stomach, hard and heavy as a rock. She felt horrible for leaving The Child behind unprotected and vanishing without giving any kind of warning to the Mandalorian. No apology in the world could make up for the fact that she broke Mando's biggest rule of maintaining the safety of the kid. The fact that its father was being so merciless towards her, made Aurelia feel even worse.

"Mos Espa is not the nicest place to live, Mando," she started meekly. "Theres too much going on behind closed doors. There's too much...indentured servitude."

Mando's pace up the ship's ramp slowed. "You mean slavery?" He asked quietly.

Aurelia stiffened in his arms. "I hate that word. It's so dehumanizing. But yes, and I couldn't stand to see another person go through that unless I could help it."

They stepped onto the Crest, the Mandalorian setting Aurelia down slowly on the cot that they took turns sharing when they were able to partake in the luxury of being able to sleep. Off to the side, the ramp rose to its closed resting position, sealing off the light purple, orange, yellow, and pink hues of the incoming dawn sky. Mando reached into the brown cloth bag on his side to take out The Child and placed him next to Aurelia. She quietly watched the hunter's slow movements in the faint glow of the ship's dull cabin light until he started towards the ladder. Her hand shot out in the near darkness, catching hold of one of his bracers.

"Rest, Aurelia," Mando tried to order her sternly. The lethargy quite apparent in his tone made his demand for her lack any real sense of authority behind it. "You've been through quite a bit."

"When was the last time you slept?" she fought back.

"I will once the quarry is delivered. I won't be long, just please, stay here until I get back."

His plea made the guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach more prominent.

_________

Just over an hour had passed until Aurelia could hear movement stirring near the entrance of the ship. The soft, muffled sound of voices and footsteps coming from the hull of the Crest was barely audible, even in pure silence. She slid the doors to the hull of the ship back slowly. She poked her head out from the darkness of the hidden sleeping compartment, her golden eyes illuminating in the soft orange hues of the dim light of the entrance of the Crest. Her breath caught in her throat before she was able to welcome who she thought was the Mandalorian, back onto the ship. The sight of an unknown, armed figure making his way towards the ladder filled her with such an intense, sudden rush of panic that she could almost feel her windpipe physically closing itself off and stopping her breathing. Her body immediately transcended into fight or flight mode, rather this time, it was all flight. Enough air recollected in her lungs to allow her to release the beginnings of terrified scream, but she was quickly silenced when a leather gloved hand clamped itself tight around the thick layers of her scarf.

"It's okay!" Mando grabbed onto the terrified woman, managing to encase both her wrists tightly behind her back with just one of his much larger hands once she tried to fight back against his hold on her. "It's me! It's me, I'm here! Aurelia, I'm here."

Mando looked up from his panicked crew member to the man that was accompanying him back to the ship to collect the bounty. The collector's blaster rifle was raised in their direction, his eyes widened in shock from clearly not expecting to be welcomed by a frantic woman once he boarded the Mandalorian's vessel.

"Hey, hey," Mando continued in a failed consolation attempt, "it's okay. It's me."

He waved the bounty collector onward to continue his duty of bringing the quarry's carbonite block down to the lower level and unload it off the Crest.

Aurelia brought her knees up to her chest. She cradled them tight against her body I'm a defensive posture, both Mando and The Child watching her ride out her intense outburst. The bounty hunter's arm that was cradled around the curve of her back had stiffened when he heard a faint sob escape through the black cotton strands covering the lower half of her face.

"I-I'm sorry, Mando," she choked out.

Mando wasn't sure what to do in this moment. Consolation wasn't in his nature at all. The kid, although stubborn and mischievous, never cried too often or needed to be coddled. Even then, if The Child were to become upset over something, it was typically an easy fix. Mando didn't know what the cause of Aurelia's tears were.

"I thought they were coming for me," she whispered hoarsely. "Oh god...I thought they were coming for me."

"You're safe here, no one is after you. The kid and I wouldn't let that happen," Mando did his best to reassure her.

What sounded like someone's throat being cleared, emitted from the top of the ladder. Mando glanced up to see the bounty collector hoisting down the quarry's carbonite block from the upper level of the Razor Crest. The collector slid down the ladder and pushed the block down the ramp and off the ship. He made his way back up the ramp and placed a small coin bag in Mando's hand as payment for the bounty. Mando sighed heavily and sealed off the ship from the surrounding environment.

"I'm not sure where to go to next, but anything's better than here. Maybe we need to lay low for a while."

"What did you have in mind?" Aurelia asked.

"I'm not sure. I suppose we could see what's nearby."

Mando headed up into the cockpit with both Aurelia and The Child following close behind. He sat himself down in his seat, a blinking indicator light on his hologram pad catching the corner of his eye through his tinted visor before he could pull up the ship's navigation settings.

"Is...is that a message for you?" Aurelia asked uneasily.

Mando looked back at her with his own discomfort safely hidden from sight under his heavy beskar helmet. He reached across the Crest's console to activate the hologram. A man he had thought to have died by his hand long ago, manifested in the hologram's bright blue light display. Mando balled his fists at his side.

"Karga," he growled.

Both he and Aurelia watched tensely as the message automatically started playing, filling the unnervingly silent cockpit with Karga's deep voice coming through the hologram speakers.

"My friend, if you are receiving this transmission that means you are alive. You might be surprised to hear this but I am alive too. I guess we can call it even. A lot has happened since we last saw each other...."

_________

"So we're just supposed to return to Nevarro like everything's fine?" Aurelia shrieked. "Mando, it's a trap! The men who hired you...they just want the kid!"

"I'm well aware of that," the bounty hunter said in a dangerously low tone. "I don't have any other choice."

Aurelia opened her mouth to protest again but Mando gripped her shoulders tight and set her down in one of the cockpit seats.

"Listen to me. We go to Nevarro. We kill the Imp that put a bounty out on the kid in the first place. Karga gets control of his city again, my name no longer has a bounty attached to it. Got it?"

"You make it sound so overly simple. You're okay with using the kid as bait? Mando, Karga said the number of enemy troops stationed in his city has multiplied at this point." Absentmindedly, she tightened her hold on The Child.

Mando sighed heavily and turned his back to them. He began punching in coordinates to a distant planet, one that wasn't Nevarro.

"Of course I'm not okay with it. I hate that I'm even considering the idea, but it's not like we have much of a choice. We need more than just the two of us though to have a shot at pulling this off. I need to pay a visit to someone and call in a favor."

The Crest launched into hyperspace. Streaks of white and multiple shades of blue coated the cockpit's windows with brilliant flashes of light bouncing off the Mandalorian's polished armor. Mando swiveled around in his chair to come face to face with Aurelia. Her eyebrows were furrowed in frustration and concern over the lucrative idea of returning to the same planet where Mando had caused such a ruckus over the foundling.

"We're going to Sorgan," he began. "There's an ex-dropper who's living there who I believe can be a vital asset to this mission. She's a strong warrior. Trust in her as you do me, and we'll get through this just fine."

Aurelia remained silent, her grip still tight on The Child in a protective manner.

"I need to make sure your head is in the right place for this," Mando said gingerly. "You haven't seemed like yourself since we left Mos Espa. You're on edge, and I know it has to do with that man back on Tattooine."

The Child glanced up at her, his head tilting from side to side as he gauged her expression with curiosity of his own etched into his wrinkled little features. Aurelia smiled gently and rubbed the tips of one of his oversized ears between the tips of her fingers. She avoided eye contact with Mando, who was undoubtedly give her his full, undivided attention.

"Mando, it doesn't matter anymore. He's dead."

"Then why do you still hide your face?"

"Why do you?!" She shouted angrily. The infant in her arms hiccuped out of fear from her sudden outburst, his thin lips forming into deep frown. Even Mando couldn't help but recoil away from the sudden, uncharacteristic spurt of anger sent his way.

"It's my creed, and the way of my people," Mando said defensively.

Aurelia comfortingly patted The Child in an apologetic manner. "You have your reasons, and I have mine."

Mando was bothered by her response but did his best to hide his annoyance. He didn't know why he was so irritated with her secrecy. The annoyance he felt at her came full circle and reflected on him. He was aggravated at his curiosity, aggravated that it made him look like the biggest hypocrite in all the galaxy. He didn't show his face and he wanted people to respect that. Mando despised when others tried to remove his helmet. It bothered him when people would play guessing games as to what he looked like under all the layers of clothing and beskar armor. So why, why couldn't he accept the fact that he was put in their position for once? He never had these thoughts when he was around the other Mandalorian back on Nevarro, but perhaps that was because they were all on the same page and shared the same reason for remaining hidden from the world. They had that mutual respect for why they followed the rules that they did. Aurelia was an exception. He needed to respect her boundaries, Maker, he knew this with all his being. But still, it frustrated him all the times he would catch a glimpse of her from behind with her scarf obviously draped over her shoulders when she was feeding The Child each morning or kissed his forehead goodnight when she laid him down for bed.

"There is much history rooted in your culture, Mando," Aurelia began in a hushed tone. "If people knew what it meant to be a Mandalorian, perhaps they would be more understanding. The same goes for me, and why I am the way I am. I suppose...I could enlighten you. You did help me out of that stupid yet unforeseen scenario I put myself in. It's only fair you know just who exactly that person was."

Mando waited patiently for her to continue.

"Darro was...a bit of a troublemaker in Mos Espa. He butted heads with my father constantly, who along with his group of local soldiers, did his best to limit some of the trouble that would pop up around town. When he and the others passed, Darro was ecstatic. He himself had a few friends who would commit small, petty crimes and robberies now and then. Around the time my mother passed, the intensity of his crimes had escalated and become more malevolent."

Aurelia released her hold on The Child's ears and tucked her knees up to her chest. She stared down at the floor, seemingly ashamed at the rest of her explanation that was to come. She was doing her best to avoid looking at the Mandalorian and infant both watching her closely. Mando knew she was growing more and more uncomfortable the more information she shared about herself. His stoic, hardened beskar exterior created the image of an infallible, uncaring warrior in people's minds. Underneath, Mando's human curiosities were brewing and he hung on every word of her story, ashamedly desperate for more.

"One night, while I slept, he broke in and took me from my home. Mom was gone maybe not even a week at this point. It was as if he was waiting for her to go before making a move. I...lived with him for a few years. I...I don't even know how long it was, truly I don't. Every day dragged on and on and eventually I lost count. He brought home two more women throughout our time together. He didn't treat them as nice as he treated me. He said...I was his favorite."

Aurelia dug her fingertips into her legs and shrank down even more on the cot. Her body trembled in both anger and sadness at the recollection of her years spent, no, wasted, with such a vile man. A brief wave of hysteria and panic crashed over her and her brain felt it was on fire. She sat unmoving for a minute or two, trying desperately to collect her train of thought. She didn't even know she was holding her breath until she exhaled sharply before continuing, her voice sounding strained while she spoke, both her mind and mouth on autopilot at this point.

"The others and I made plans to escape. It wasn't the first time I had tried to myself, but I figured with the help of the others, maybe we all had a chance. We were pretty successful until he called the mastiffs on us. I knew he wouldn't let them kill me, so I stayed behind to distract them." Her gaze down at the floor was completely empty and blank, her mind deep in thought as she replayed the events of years prior through in her head, narrating them out loud for Mando. "Darro was mad. So, so mad. He called all of his friends over, told them he had something he wanted to show them. He told me he had to teach me a lesson, and they were going to watch."

Aurelia buried her head down in her knees. "He said I wasn't his favorite anymore after that. He said...he was going to take me to Arvala-7. There were some farms I could work on that needed help tending to. Not long after we landed, and while Darro was out looking for someone to sell me to, I ran."

She lifted her head up and smiled. A few tears were brimming in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She laughed. "I killed them, his friends that is. Maker, I killed them good. I wish I had gotten him too that night, but he finally got what he deserved."

She let out another chuckle and shook her head, lost deep in her feelings of blood lust and revenge. Mando fidgeted nervously in his chair. His mind went back to what snide comment Mayfeld made weeks ago once he noticed what she was.

I'm surprised she hasn't taken you out in your sleep already. You must have her trained pretty well.

Mando didn't even notice she was staring deep into the black tint of his visor. "You must hate me now," she mused darkly. "You must think I'm some kind of homicidal, unstable-"

"No," Mando cut her off. "Don't ever go there. You did what you had to do."

She watched him uneasily. Kriff, what he wouldn't give to see the lower part of her face, to read her expression and get the slightest idea of what she was thinking for once. He wanted to reach out and pull down that blasted scarf, to throw it away and see what she was so scared of showing to others. He wanted...he wanted to look at her, to tell her it was okay, to let her know he wouldn't dare do what that man did, to touch her-

"I stumbled upon Kuiil's farm after wandering the desert for a few days," she interrupted his wandering mind. "He took me in, showed me how to fix a ship so I could get back to Tattooine. I wasn't going anywhere near Mos Espa for a while, so I settled in Mos Entha. It was...safer there. I learned how to defend myself should Darro ever come back. And now...here we are."

She reached over to lovingly pat The Child on the top of his head. He cooed in response and stretched his short arms out, signaling for her to hold him. Aurelia stretched her legs out and sat him in her lap, cradling the loving, innocent creature tight in her arms close to her chest. Mando watched the warmth flood back into her honey golden orbs. He was in awe at her strength and how she still had compassion in her heart, even if it took some digging to reach it. He couldn't stop his hand from reaching out and gently wrapping around her arm, stopping her in her tracks when she stood to announce she was going to go feed The Child. His heart sank to the level of his boots when he felt her muscles flinch beneath his gloved fingertips from his touch. He didn't even notice the involuntarily, pained hiss that slipped past his helmet when he extended his arm out.

"Y-you're hurt," she whispered.

Mando looked over his shoulder towards the small gash on his back. "It's nothing. It happened during my search for the quarry. Wait, don't bother yourself over it-"

His head hung low and a heavy sigh passed his lips when Aurelia dismissed his protest to push past him and grab one of their newly acquired bacta patches. She set the foundling back down on the co-pilot's chair, shushing him gently when he whined in protest over the false promise of being fed.

"Let me take care of your dad first, kid. You always act like you haven't eaten in a millennia." Her slender fingers pulled back Mando's cape and tossed it over his uninjured shoulder.

"You're making a bigger deal out of this than you need to," Mando grumbled. He grunted and silenced himself when a sturdy hand pushed his helmet down in protest.

"It's my job to make things more difficult for you," Aurelia sighed sarcastically.

"That's the exactly opposite reason of why I went looking for you to begin with."

"Then take me back."

Mando lifted his head back up and peered over his shoulder in attempt to get a look at his crew member. Something in her voice didn't fully sound like she was joking. It wasn't a serious request, more like a statement to gauge what his stance was on her staying. Her face was just out of his view but he could she her hands hovering over his back, unmoving while she waited for his response.

Mando looked forward and ducked his head back towards the ground. "I-I couldn't...The uhh...the kid wouldn't let me live it down."

Aurelia felt a steady warmth blossom in her cheeks. Not trusting her words, she merely hummed in response and continued her evaluation of Mando's injury. "I...can't get a good look underneath all this," she said tapping on his armor. "I need to raise your flight suit up. I don't know if...you're okay...with that."

Mando kept his head down low, his palms growing a little sweatier underneath the leather of his gloves out of nervousness.

"It's okay," Aurelia began stepping backwards, "I can figure something else ou-"

"Close your eyes," Mando demanded. When no answer came from the girl behind him, he looked over in her direction. She stood there with the bacta patch in hand, her unblinking stare meeting his with uncertainty. "Close them, and don't look," he repeated a little more forcefully.

Aurelia scooped The Child up and turned around so neither were facing the Mandalorian. She closed her eyes and placed a hand over the infant's as well for good measure.

Mando set his helmet down between his feet with a heavy thump. The audible sound of more beskar armor hitting the floor met Aurelia's ears when his steel pauldrons and chest plate followed. There was a rustling of fabric and worn leather of the pilot's seat creaked beneath his weight. Aurelia anxiously held her breath the entire time until all the movement behind her had stopped. Mando scooped up his helmet and placed it back over his head.

"You can turn around," his strong voice wavered slightly through the vocoder.

Aurelia wasn't expecting the sight of beautiful bronzed skin that befell her eyes when she turned back around. Her knees almost buckled and she nearly dropped The Child from shock at the sight. Her eyes raked over the occasional scarring that left little streaks and pathways over his tanned skin. His muscles twitched uneasily under the intensity her stare.

"Something wrong?" Mando asked. He tried but brush away the bit of insecurity that had began to flood his mind.

"Not at all. In fact, this honestly doesn't look bad...at all," Aurelia marveled. She grabbed the patch and removed it from its plastic wrapping. His back straightened when he felt the cool adhesive draped across the wound and he sighed once the stinging sensation had begin to dissipate. Mando's breath caught in his throat and his fingers gripped around his knees when he felt the tips of her fingers gently smooth out the patch and adhere it to his skin. He cursed the Maker when a noticeable gasp befell both their ears when her skin made contact with his. "Did I hurt you?"

He wanted to tell her she could never. Stars, what was this feeling that was brewing deep in his chest? Was this the bacta? Yeah, yeah it had to be. Maybe there was something extra potent about it. Maybe that's why it was a bit pricier than normal. Yeah, that's it. It was just a medicinal high. One that made his heart race faster than normal, his knees weak, his hands sweat, and his breathing heavier.

"No," was all he could manage to tell her. He scrambled to reach down to pick up his clothes and armor at his feet. When he stood up and faced her, she did her best not to allow her eyes to wander over the rest of him.

"Thank you. Take care of the kid and get some sleep before we reach Sorgan."

Mando didn't give her any chance to reply before he dropped down the ladder and sealed himself away in the refresher.

_________

Aurelia couldn't help but gasp when she took in the vast expanse of trees, marshes, and overall vibrant green vegetation that littered the surface of the lush planet. Any time she paid a visit to a non-desert biome planet, her heart would skip a beat and she grew easily distracted by every creature, plant, or body of water she came into contact with.

Mando glanced down at the younger woman who was paralyzed in awe at the top of the ship's ramp. "Pretty, isn't it?"

"Maker, it's beautiful here," Aurelia commented.

"The kid and I lived here for several weeks right after we initially left Nevarro," Mando ushered her gently down the ramp to head in the direction of the village he knew his friend would be residing in. "It was nice living amongst the locals. They welcomed us with open arms. The Child made lots of friends. Everything seemed... normal for once."

Aurelia noticed the hint of sadness and longing in Mando's voice. "Why did you leave?" She asked hesitantly.

"The Guild found us eventually. We were putting everyone at risk by staying here. They won't rest until I'm dead and they have the kid. All the more reason why we need to finish this," Mando answered.

They continued walking down a faint dirt path that was formed in the grassy forest floor. It wasn't long before the thickening of trees began to clear, and village huts began to become more pronounced in the breaks between each massive tree trunk. Eventually the cluster of trees had dispersed entirely, paving way to a hidden marshland with huts scattered about along with patches of tilled land and sprouting crops. It was a relatively quiet, peaceful looking town. A few groups of children ran in between some of the tall strands of grass nearby, giggling and running around in an innocent game of tag. A few of their parents looked on happily, alternating between watching the children at play and busying themselves with plucking baskets of krill from the standing water or tending to the growing vegetables. It had been a while since Aurelia had seen such a tranquil town, if she had ever seen one at all.

"I bet you two loved it here. It's a shame you had to leave," she sadly told the Mandalorian.

He didn't answer her but instead directed her to a larger building off to the side of the others. The closer they got to the entrance, the louder sounds of cheering and applause had gotten. Mando gently pushed Aurelia to an open table in the corner of a large common house dining area. They took their seats with The Child sitting on Aurelia's lap and watched the entertaining spectacle unfolding in the center of the room. A broad, muscular Zabrak man was engaging in a tethered boxing match with an equally strong, if not stronger, looking woman. The crowd whistled and cheered as the two contenders tussled, the man finally becoming entangled in the tether and succumbing to the female warrior. He tapped out and the laser tether dissolved between the pair, a few moans and groans along with loud cheers from gambling victors filling the air. The woman partaking in the fight caught a glimpse of the beskar wearing bounty hunter humorously watching her from a far. He motioned towards an empty seat situated across from him at the table. She willingly joined the group at their table, a large, pearly white smile stretching across her strong features when she caught sight of her companion.

"Looking for some work?" He mused at the sight of the handful of her victory spoils being set down on the table top next to her. She laughed and slipped the growing pile of credits into her coin bag. A waitress came by and poured three glasses of spotchka; both women at the table took their glasses in hand with the unintroduced friend of Mando's watching Aurelia curiously when she turned her head to the side to drink from her glass discretely.

"That depends on what you're offering." The woman nodded towards the smaller female seated across from her. "You haven't introduced me to your new friend here either, Mando."

The hunter fidgeted nervously for a brief moment. He had no idea how Aurelia wanted to be addressed.

"This is my pilot. She's been watching over the kid and taking care of the ship when I'm not able to. She's saved my neck a couple of times out there too," Mando answered casually. Aurelia tried her best not to shrink down and stare at the floor from the unwanted attention.

"Does she have a name? She looks like she's hiding a few secrets just like you," the woman smiled and raised her eyebrow jokingly from behind another sip of spotchka.

"Tajana," Aurelia spoke up. She caught Mando's subtle glance in her direction when he picked up on the use of her fake name. She ignored him and extended her hand out for a proper introduction.

"Cara Dune," the other woman smiled once more. "Nice to meet you. I'm glad Mando has someone looking out for him and the kid, for once."

The subtle sound of a throat being cleared underneath a certain beskar helmet brought their attention back to the task at hand.

"The job..." Mando said flatly.

"Well get on with it," Cara pushed.

"We're heading back to Nevarro," he explained. "There's a man there who runs Guild operations, Greef Karga. He's the one who introduced me to the warlord who hired me to find the kid. Karga needs the man who hired me, out of there. He's stirring up too much trouble with all his toops stationed throughout the city. Getting rid of him means the kid and I are off the wanted list, and Karga gets his control over the city back. It seems like a straightforward operation. They're providing the plan and firepower, I'm the snare."

Cara's expression hardened, her eyebrows furrowing. "...but?

"I need more back up. A- Tajana and I can't do this ourselves. I need her to fight with me, if it comes to it, and I need you as well. You're a soldier, a veteran. We could use you. The reward for you time would be a generous one. You could come back here, retire, and live worry free."

Cara smiled and shook her head. She swirled the bright blue spotchka around in her glass, eyeing its contents thoughtfully before downing the remaining drops. "I'm already free of worry. And I'm not in the mood to play soldier anymore. Especially fighting some local warlord."

Mando leaned in closer to her from across the table. "He's not a local warlord. He's Imperial."

Aurelia shifted in her seat, her grasp on her glass tightening out of a sudden surge of anger. The Empire had taken so much from her and affected the lives of so many others. Sure it ceased to exist anymore, but if she was able to snuff out the remaining, slow-burning flames that tried to reignite in its name, she would gladly do so. This was her way of following in her father's footsteps. He wasn't around to see the fighter she turned into, but for her own consolation, she would take down what remained of the Empire in his name.

Cara seemed to take an interest in the way the tables had turned in her own personal favor. The look of sudden interest that rooted itself in her expression, told Aurelia she had much revenge to dish out herself against the Empire herself. Mando knew what he was doing and what cards to play so both he and Cara could get what they wanted.

The shock trooper veteran placed a few of her winning credits on the table as a payment and tip for their beverages. She reached across the table to finish off the beverage that Mando left untouched. Raising the empty glass in the bounty hunter's direction, she smiled wide and winked at the Mandalorian.

"I'm in."

_________

"Set a course for Nevarro, will you? Then come back down when you're finished so we can go over everything that needs to be done." Mando quietly asked Aurelia when the three, plus The Child, boarded the Razor Crest. She wordlessly nodded in response and hiked up the ladder with the foundling clutching tightly to her in one hand. Mando watched her disappear from sight and shut the cockpit door behind her before he turned to open the weapons cabinet. He motioned for Cara to choose a firearm to bring along with them, save for Aurelia's personal blaster rifle hanging off to side.

"You wanna tell me what's going on here?" Cara chuckled.

"What are you talking about?" Mando asked.

"Did you pick up another lost soul along the way?"

"You mean Tajana?"

Cara smirked and toyed with the firearm in her hand before placing it back on the rack and choosing a new one. "That's not her real name, is it?"

She took Mando's silence as a definitive yes. "So what's the story with her? Or is it not my business to ask?"

"She's just someone I hired to help out around here. An Ugnaught I met during my search for the kid specifically recommended her services."

"Her services?" Cara mused.

"Kriff, not like that," Mando swore harshly. "She does a good job taking care of the kid and the ship."

Cara hummed in response. Her subtle smirk and quick raise of her eyebrows gave away the fact that she didn't really believe the Mandalorian, but she wouldn't tell him about how she noticed the way he stole extra, unnecessary glances at his crew member now and then when she wasn't paying attention. She continued sorting through the weapons vault, Mando watching her settle on a blaster and pocket a grenade or two. A few footsteps overhead and down the metal rungs of the ladder brought his attention to the petite woman joining them in the cramped space.

"Is he alright up there alone?" Cara asked cautiously.

Aurelia shrugged. "I gave him something to snack on while we finish up down here but he won't stay entertained for long." She turned to climb back to the ladder but Mando placed his hand on her shoulder to get her to stay in place.

"Just stay, he'll be fine."

Cara pursed her lips together to fight off the small growing grin that threatened to break through when Mando's hand lingered a second too long on Aurelia's shoulder.

"You trust the contact?" She asked, trying to remain strictly business.

"Not particularly," Mando replied. "He and I had a run-in last time I was there on some Guild business. I thought I had disposed of him. Looks like I was wrong."

"Why are we going then?"

"I don't have a choice. You saw what happened on Sorgan. They'll keep sending hunters. The kid'll never be safe until the Imp is dead."

"What will happen once he's gone?" Aurelia asked.

Mando shrugged. "I dunno. Anything beats running from planet to planet all the time. Maybe then we could finally settle down some place, raise him properly. I know being on the run isn't what you signed up for, either."

"You wouldn't be needing me then if you were able to watch him, nor would you need to to pilot your ship if you find a planet to reside on. Maybe you could finally return to Sorgan. You said he was happy there. Both of you were." Aurelia told him.

Mando's head snapped in her direction. The thought of him not needing her never really crossed his mind. He couldn't read her body language or expression to see how she felt about the manner. Dank farrik, if he could just rip that scarf away...

"Are you okay with bringing him back there and doing this?" Cara asked softly. Mando wasn't sure what exactly she meant asking that question. Was she subtly asking if he was okay giving up the hellish lifestyle of being a wanted man, all for the sake of wanting to keep Aurelia's company? The delicate tone in her voice and empathy in her gaze made him think so. Or, was she asking if he was comfortable bringing The Child back to the people who wanted him brought back so Maker knows what would be done to him? For professionalism sake, Mando dissuaded her possible more personal intent she had for asking such a question. He settled on giving her a generalized answer that would settle whatever curiosities she had.

"No, not really. I don't feel good about this at all, especially in terms with how badly this could go. That's why I needed your help."

As soon as Cara nodded in response, the Crest took a sharp nose dive. The three soldiers clung to the walls to balance themselves while the Crest banked and bucked from side to side, up and down erratically.

Mando climbed up the ladder with the other two following closely behind once they gained their footing. Ripping back the cockpit door, they were greeted with the sight of the kid latched onto the ship's centre stick, jerking it in every which way. The Mandalorian hastily pried the giggling infant away from the control panel. Aurelia leveled the Crest's into a more steady, straightforward flight pattern.

"We're gonna need someone to watch that thing," Cara sighed. "You have someone you can trust?"

"Peli?" Aurelia turned to asked the bounty hunter.

Mando shook his head in response. "Tattooine's too far and out of the way at this point. I have someone else in mind, someone who wouldn't mind your company either."

He sat himself down in front of the navigation panel. Aurelia glanced over his broad, armored shoulders to try to catch a sneak peek to see just where he was directing the Crest to. She had a small inkling on just who he was referring to, and her suspicions were confirmed with a happy sweltering of her heart when she saw the Mandalorian typing in the coordinates for Arvala-7.

_________

The autopilot feature of the Crest landed them next to a decently sized house on a vast expanse of dry, desert land. The sun was beginning to set on the arid planet. Aurelia eagerly glanced out the window of the cockpit to peer down at the familiar patch of land the ship was descending down upon. The streaks of remaining sunlight cast down on a few blurrgs who had turned their attention to the incoming vessel, the unproportional creatures letting out strained barks and growls the closer the Crest got to making landfall. An Ugnaught hobbled out from out of the living quarters and waved up at the ship once he realized who it belonged to.

Aurelia couldn't help but push past Cara and Mando once the ramp to the Crest had been lowered. She stopped in front of the Ugnaught who had frozen in place when he caught sight of the raven haired woman.

"Kuiil," Aurelia choked out, fighting a few tears that had formed along her lash lines. Mando watched in surprise at the emotional vulnerability the typically closed off crew member of his was expressing. He knew Kuiil had taken her in and helped her out a great deal after she managed to escape from Darro but stars, he had a greater impact on her than he had imagined.

"It's been a very long time hasn't it?" Kuiil smiled.

A mixture of a laugh and stifled sob passed Aurelia's lips. She continued forward and dropped to her knees, reaching down to hug the kindhearted man who took her in years ago.

"I trust he is treating you and The Child well?" Kuiil motioned to the approaching Mandalorian.

"He's kind to us both," Aurelia chuckled.

"I suppose I should thank you for the recommendation of searching for her," Mando directed to the Ugnaught. "Although stubborn at times, she's done well in looking after The Child and myself."

"I knew she would. Though it is hard to get through to, her heart is always in the right place." Kuiil turned to hobble back towards the direction of his home. "Now come, it's rude of me to keep you out here when there is much we have to discuss."

_________

The group of travelers stooped down to enter Kuiil's surprisingly spacious, though low ceiling, house.

"It hasn't grown much," Kuiil remarked after eyeing The Child.

Mando nodded in agreement. "I think it might be a strand-cast."

"You mean like a...bio-engineered creature?" Aurelia wondered aloud.

"I don't think it was engineered," Kuiil disregarded. "I've worked in the gene farms. This one looks evolved, too ugly. This one on the other hand, looks like she was farmed in the Cytocaves of Nora."

Cara beamed at the Ugnaught's compliment.

"This is Cara Dune. She was a shock trooper," Mando introduced.

"You were a dropper?" Kuiil asked.

Cara tilted her head to the side curiously. "Did you serve?"

"On the other side, I'm afraid. But I'm proud to say that I paid out my clan's debt and now I serve no one but myself."

Aurelia glanced sadly at Kuiil, her heart heavy at the mention of his servitude. He was such a kind hearted, patient man. He called himself free but the level of generosity he showed to others and just how far he would go to someone, would make anyone think otherwise. The only difference is that Kuiil gave himself selflessly to helping those who needed it on his own freewill. In the corner of her eye, Aurelia couldn't help but notice the frown that kept across Cara's face at learning how the Ugnaught worked alongside the Empire.

The growing tension in the air between Cara and Kuiil was interrupted by another presence stepping foot into the room everyone was lounging around in. An IG unit stepped forth with a tray full of beverages in hand. All except Kuiil jumped and drew their blasters at its sudden appearance. Mando growled protectively and moved to stand in front of Aurelia and the foundling when he recognized the droid as one he had a previously had run in with during his initial hunt for The Child.

"Please lower your blasters. He will not harm you," Kuiil begged.

"That thing is programmed to kill the baby," Mando sneered.

"No, not anymore." Kuiil rose from his seat to stand alongside the droid. "After you departed with The Child, I traveled to the camp where your battle for him had been fought. Upon searching the remains of what hadn't been destroyed by your endeavors, I found this droid. Much effort went into reconstructing it and working with it to help it gain its mobility and functionality back. It was not an easy task, as it had to learn everything from scratch. I spent day after day reinforcing its development with patience and affirmation. It developed a personality as its experiences grew."

"It seems you seem to have a knack for rehabilitation and providing aid to those who need it," Aurelia smiled. Despite Mando's warning glare he was casting from behind his visor, she joined Cara in reaching out to take a cup from the droid's drink tray.

"Is it still a hunter?" Mando asked warily.

Kuiil shook his head and patted the droid in a prideful manner, obviously satisfied with both his handiwork and the chivalry of the IG unit.

As time continued to pass on Arvala-7, Kuiil opened what available space he had in his home to the weary travelers. Mando and The Child made their way back to the Crest with Cara occupying one of the spare rooms Kuiil had to offer. Aurelia wandered around the Ugnaught's property, petting the blurrgs that watched her from the comfort of their spacious pen. She took a seat next to the moisture farmer who was seated comfortably around a moderately sized fire several feet from his home.

"You've changed quite a bit since I've last seen you," Kuiil said earnestly. He passed a cup of tea to Aurelia, eyeing her carefully in the glow of the fire crackling outside his home. The pair sat comfortably near the warm flames despite the surrounding chill of the bone dry environment. The sun had set completely on the moisture farm, basking the bare landscape in a curtain of pitch black darkness save for the bright stars looming overhead. Even the vast array of twinkling speckles in the galaxy overhead couldn't penetrate through the intensity of the night sky to illuminate Kuiil and Aurelia while they sat alone in each other's missed company.

Aurelia smiled at the steaming herbal beverage situated in between her palms. "Much has happened these past few years, many good things as well. I hope it's been the same for you."

Kuiil sat thoughtfully for a moment with his own tea in hand. "It has, yes. I've finally found peace here. The Mandalorian has aided in this as well by ridding the valley of those who kept The Child captive."

Kuiil took a sip before staring hard at the woman in his company. "He is a good man."

Aurelia glanced at the Ugnaught who was watching her intently. The strength of his gaze made her redirect her stare into the fire pit.

"He seems to have changed as well since I last saw him. He's become more patient, less tense and closed off. Perhaps this is from him taking care of The Child. Perhaps it is from you as well."

"That's nonsense, Kuiil," Aurelia laughed, playing off his commentary.

"I have spoken," he said sternly, raising his cup to take one more sip.

Aurelia smiled to herself and shook her head at the man's inaccurate observation. Mando was her employer. He was a battle hardened, deadly hunter. The only thing that made him remotely softer was that he now had a kid to look after. It's highly possible that that little seed of loving, nurturing qualities about him had always been there, but the only thing that made it take root and grow was The Child, not her.

Aurelia slipped her fingers between the thick layers of her dust covered scarf. Pulling the long trail of fabric down and away from her neck, she breathed in the bittersweet scent of brewed tea leaves.

"All those years together, you never asked any questions you thought I wouldn't feel comfortable answering," Aurelia told the Ugnaught. Kuiil looked over her with a sad smile. "I have a faint idea of the hardships you must of been through. Even then, your story is different than mine, and I will never know exactly what you experienced in captivity. It was not my place to question your history, only to help you write a new one."

"And you did. I have much to thank you for. When I left here, the people of Tattooine called me Tajana, but my real name is Aurelia. The Mandalorian knows this, and now you do as well."

Kuiil smiled. "It is an honor to have you confide in me with such a secret. Has he seen your face as well?"

Aurelia shook her head. "No."

"Is there a reason for this?"

She frowned and looked away from her long-lost companion. "I've shown you because I trust you. You understand the burden that comes with the past of indentured servitude. We've done things we aren't proud of. I look this way because I helped free the others I was with. Though it's not something I should be ashamed of, I still am. When I look at myself, I see nothing but weakness and struggle. I'm reminded of all that I lost."

"Do you not trust The Mandalorian?" Kuiil asked.

Aurelia hesitated before answering. "I do with my life."

"The Mandalorian of all people should be the most understanding of the struggles of revealing yourself to the public. It is a burden to hide your face for so long. I'm sure he has done so since he himself was a child sworn into his creed. To gaze upon the face of another who is in hiding as well, he knows how much of a significant blessing it would be."

Aurelia looked at Kuuil uneasily. "I have spoken," he told her once more, and stood to retire in his hut for the remainder of the night.

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 30, 2019 // larkspur lane/the whisper box

this post is a double whammy cause they have 2 eps happen in the same day if u can believe it (thats how awful judging timelines in this show is!!)

-"hi josh..." LMAOOOOOOO

-BESS just breaking in lmaooo how many god damn times does bess just shit the bed in this show

-LOVE her frowny face at nancys closet ("my expectations are low" lmfaoooo but this would totally be me)

-"bet she meant it metaphorically" okayyy but then why did lucy say that at all? i feel like theres defo more to this story, combined with josh's cagey behavior (part of which is to get nancy to stop looking into shit d/t him and karen but still)

-"they dont accept visitors unless they're family" .....🙂

-ace "youre really good at that" to bess i fuckin love this friendship with all my heart (also love their talk at the claw mirroring nick & nancys talk in the last ep)

-also PINK AND ORANGE BESS ARE U BLIND (also 1) why tf would nancy own this and 2) where would she wear it??)

-okay wtf is vampire dip

-"boss??" see this is what i meant yesterday about nancy ruining everything for nick/george

-god DAMN she sucks at dealing with this news lmaooo that emotional competency babey + love george literally agrees to help bc she feels bad (AND nicks immediate look of "you just reprimanded me for helping her last ep and i know why youre doing this rn" lmaoooo)

-LOVE george noticing nick "shout out to jean valjean" lmaooo once again nancy would never have noticed/commented on something like that

-"get the hell out of here" was this foreshadowing for an epic dad joke for these two eps? "how do you make holy water? you boil the hell out of it" 😂😂😂😂

-so what i dont get about the whole haunting is the ball + kids' laughter but its all the emphasis on "mr roper" the adult? wtf like what kind of entity is this

-"how did you ever have a solo career??" 😂

-okay amaya's hair is gorgeous here (also "you feel like a snack" ....👀) *ahhh so the reason bess feels so off balance is bc its like a top vs a top scenario

-has anyone who's ever been to prison confirmed this is what it looks like?

-love how ace is the only employee there when they all leave so he had to fucking close the place when he goes

-why does she take the whole file? time constraints? it'd be smarter to take pics + replace it (better sleuthing) but this place is clearly not well run anyway 😂

-so this is a pretty decent cover she invents but theres no way she would get away with it so easily for a real guard

-love how ace recognizes ryan's car (+ is able to find it by driving around)

-"my father wouldnt do anything like that" LMFAOOOOOO SIS WHY ARE U DEFENDING HIM ironically, ace is actually the best person suited to engage w ryan here d/t the car accident + connection with laura being ryans SIL. its a unique set up

-i am fascinated by the concept of priests + holy water being so effective here combined with mcginnis' beliefs and basically nondenominational ghosts/seances etc after that. the show is very clearly big on diversity but definitely steers clear from too much WASP stuff yk? wonder if other stuff from christianity works against the ghosts/demons like taking refuge in a church "holy ground" or using silver etc

-"did this start after the night of sept 10?" *this is where you get the time line for the seance if you didnt know

-this is so fucking funny when u realize that patient sal talks to is actually a ghost so sal really is psycho i guess 😂

-bitchsplain/tall jar of mayonnaise 🙏🏻😌 2gether 4ever

-how did ace get this van? also heart attack when he yells at carson (but then grins at him like a goofball lmaooo)

-"for nancys sake and yours" damn she owes ace big time for all this shit

-"what do we do for 7 minutes?" ...ummm play 7 minutes in heaven lmaooo 👀🥵

-was not expecting ace to look this sexy holding an axe but okay (*ah, its his short sleeve shirt showing his arms. usually hes a sleeves guy)

-"desperate for attention" nancy (from gomber) vs "bc she's starved for attention" patrice --> lucy (and candace also...) we know nancys detective work makes her seem like an attention seeker, but what was lucy doing to make them all think that? she was trying to hide her relationship with ryan, not expose it. unless they just mean the rumors about her?

-so is patrice hiding lucy's "truth" talking about lucy being a whore or lucy being a ghost? what is lucy's secret? did patrice guess she was pregnant or did patrice's somehow garbled mind remember tiffany trying to show patrice the video with lucy on it?

-wonder what captain thom thinks of this stand off w ace lmaooo

-"like you do?" top v top shenanigans

-how awko for carson to talk to karen again like this

-"oh no" ACE 😂

-love how amaya says "be a human" like shes kind of admitting people in rich circles typically arent (^this is an interesting focus in s2 when bess's rich family rejects her, thus making her human again, but nancy embraces her rich fam and experiences subsequent moral struggle which is predicted with the wraith)

-wonder what ryan thinks he could get from the marvins (which he cant get now lmaooo)

-this damn whisper box. so many questions. who named it the whisper box? why are the ropers' old possessions still there? who decided to build a mental hospital on top of it? and patrice! she "hid lucy's secrets" hannah gruen thinks tiffany tried to show patrice video w lucy on it, which patrice then specifically says she hid in the thin mans book. so patrice knows of the thin man? can she see him? does she know he was a ghost/supernatural? she must have a supernatural sense to know about him (unless sal told or some shit) so then when tiffany shows up w/ lucy being supernatural in it patrice hides it to protect her? is this why she is "crazy" kinda like victoria? supernatural elements or ability to sense ghosts makes her unstable? this is why lucy being a ghost/nursery rhyme that she repeats makes patrice worse/"stroke"? how did patrice even get into the whisper box to put the key in the bible and get out without getting trapped? also, her dementia --> lucidity is really fucking off, some people mildly switch like that but usually with dementia they cant even register new shit anymore

-...so did bess take the ride? 👀

-interesting how celia says "your father will be disappointed" but nothing of her own opinion. wonder how much celia truly puts up with to keep everett calm and nonhomicidal

-like george asking nick follow up questions that nancy never really would have asked

🥞🥞🥞(ep13)🥞🥞🥞

-is this bitch just eating a plain pancake with her bare hand?

-"extra case load and excessive volunteering" ugh. nancy's family here are like, gross in how "good" of people they are // unrealistic, trying to paint carson in the best light/ no way ryan could ever compare (but the reality is theyre not that good of people for lying about nancy) **and shes arrogant to think shes better than everyone else ie the only one who truly lives virtuously, thinks she can do no wrong sometimes even tho using sex to cope, breaking and entering, etc is not morally "good" stuff she still thinks she is the only one who doesnt lie and plays fair (like in the pilot she lists everyone else as a suspect but herself- obviously we know she isnt guilty but no one else does. (i mean in theory we really dont, what if nancy was an unreliable narrator and was actually guilty, that would be a hella cool show)its reactions like that where she cant understand why others like the chief suspect her

-ooooh ironic that in the Good Place carson readily agrees to pay her for helping with cases as opposed to s2 in reality

-nick's house has "problems" so why does he need a lawyer? as opposed to an interior designer, plumber, or realtor?

-in the Good Place nick and george realize they are not going to work out after one date. does this failure in the Good Place predict failure in reality, or merely an easier way of figuring out the truth? does this mean that the "opposite" of the Good Place is reality, or only an opinion of what is better? (nancy says "you all like me" as her opinion of them liking her is skewed; does this then only reflect nancys version for what is the "perfect life"?)

-why is bess a hippie??? and love how george curls her hair and wears pink lipstick here

-if this dream is so realistic then why is the one thing it cant conjure smoke? like how random

-love the locket being a key realization bc with things like jewelry you dont notice the weight of them until theyre gone

-"you all like me" in her perfect life nancy means they "like" her objectively/regardless of circumstance even though liking her is still an objective choice (like they "like" her because of other reasons instead of her working at the claw? (like how you make friends with coworkers/people at school every day but after you leave the job/graduate you never speak to them again) and her "thanks for showing up!" as if theyre not doing exactly that in reality 😐like where is she getting this shit? she sort of acknowledges in earlier eps she is hard to like/that she puts mysteries before friends, but also pushing them away to avoid danger like the previous ep "why do u show up" etc

-is it just me or does the inside of nicks "house" look like the drews'?

-nick has a dick scar lmaooooo (or more likely was hit in the balls or smth)

-love how nick + george match their anger in confronting sal 100% on the same level

-so when did ace go back to work after having such a busy day earlier?? lmaooo

-damn father shane is a creep (casting defo hired him for his voice) and how tf did he just poof + escape? and what did he request???

-love bess's white hair bow here 😌+ her jacket, whole outfit on point as usual

-like how bess is right that nancy has to find her way out but thats kind of a nonstarter for a room full of panicked people wanting to help

-in the Good Place theres no bad blood between drews + hudsons bc nancy is really theirs

-"the only one who has the key is you" in the Good Place nancy has the key (smaller picture, to finding out what happened to lucy but bigger picture, post-reveal) but ryan has the clues nancy needs- following the Good Place's mirroring, this just means that in reality ryan will either be completely useless or an active hindrance (but you KNOW this is a dream bc in what universe would ryan remember clues like that 😂)

-so in a perfect universe ryan acknowledges his family's "criminal empire" as opposed to reality where he only makes under cover jabs about disengaging with being an "entitled corrupt legacy criminal" ie finding the bonny scot relics but does nothing about them, etc

-"strippers" 😂

-okay what is nancys obsession w her beanie?? bc her mom made it? "wear beanies do crimes?" idk

-making the call: nancy -unable to make up for lost time/both her mothers had to find out/suffer alone / in the Good Place nancy was able to be with kate while she called, and in reality she had carson; somethig about seeing the mother looking to the daughter for strength in the Good Place instead of the reverse (which is what reality sounded like, kate being strong for nancy through the illness despite the struggle)

-concept: nancy & nick "let's wait out the storm"

-"i believe that you believe it" nick in the Good Place + owen in reality both trust nancy when she says she's seen things (owen's is the teeth) but nick in reality (and not really knowing details) doesnt think much of their "moment" bc it wasnt real (so she had to leave the Good Place to save carson- but if she had known then he wasnt her real dad, would she have stayed to be w nick?)

-stranger - suede james 💙👌🏻

-"really anxious as a kid" v telling bc of her desire to know everything to remain in control of situations like she always does now

-"the medicine or the metaphysics?"/"you cannot beat supernatural with science"

-i love nancy playing with her pinky while saying goodbye 🥺

-"always seek out the truth even if it hurts" this is straight irony bc kate never told nancy anything. like does that include the truth about nancys parentage? they taught her to seek out the truth, but who taught her that the truth is the only thing to live by? ie things dont count anymore like carson and kate straight up raising her is tossed out bc she finds out its not "the truth" like all that work/stress to protect carson + she just drops him? with kate maybe shes just upset thst she spent all that time mourning for someone who lied. and would she do the same to ryan if needed? probably

-bess and ace head tilt 💙

-like how for all the time she spent there nancy only has a subconscious memory of blue curtains

-YESSSSS i LOVEthese beautiful overhead shots of hannah's hands. so out of character for the show lmao but so gorgeous

-i feel like future eps/grand future will be nancy going through the lock boxes to help people who asked hannah for help

-the video is officially dated Aug 22, 2019

-soooooo in the first ep nancy breaks into the hudsons house and finds tiffanys secret drawer w the nail polish and finds the amulet with a note that says "for your protection HG" yet on this video tiffany says she talked to a medium who gave her the amulet sooooo am i just confused? HG is hannah gruen obvi so is the address for the medium what hannah gave her? or was the address on the amulet which nancy dissolved in salt water to see? so how would tiffany know where to go? its chicken and the egg which came first hannah or the medium?

and lastly:

i close these two eps with a thought that everything in this show is sealed in death. all the lies, the imagery, the fake constructs people put up to get by all crumple the second someone dies- all the secrets come clean just like these doors have been unsealed.

[greenflamedwriter]

Percy AU NOTES

Keith as Nico di angelo and Lance as Percy Jackson.

But Lance was never claimed so he assumed he was Hermes kid he meshed well with them.

But once Keith got claimed so did lance and then shiro their dads had some sort of rivalry.

They didn’t account for the three to fall in love with each other. After and intense mission to save medusa. For lance. Personophene for Keith and Ganymede for Shiro.

Lance is also adopted by aphrodite goddess of the sea which passes on her powers so Lance can make people listen and share secrets with him like a siren.

_________________________________________________________________________

1 Lance is really nice and open with people until he realises that both Keith and Shiro are Roman descendants and not greek so they clash a little, Keith insults greeks and Lance is offended.

2 dinner and theres a party and lance is in the middle of it trying to get the daughter of Athena (Allura) To dance with him and that’s when it happens. Shiro is claimed by zues and everyone applauds then Keith by Hades and hears other say (it was so obvious he was an emo) But then lance is claimed by poseidan and everyone just stops and stares. What?

3 Lance is mad, he was a hermes kid wasn’t he? He looked like them, he had the same jaw line and nose and they all got along so well...this had to be a mistake and why now? He blames the new kids and this is when the party Lance becomes grouchy. And Allura hates his guts because athena and poseidan are rivals

4 They get a quest (to save the victims by the abuse if the main three gods. Ganymede, Medusa with Aphrodite, Persephone)

5. Ganeymede. The boy who was stolen, raped and made into Zues personell wine waiter then demoted to a fate taxi cab telepromter. Boy he hates Shiro because who can actually hurt Zues? he is what clues them in on rape victims which narrows it down immedietly and when Lance realises that Medusa is next for him and Keith looks horrified that they're all related to rapists, but Shiro felt relieved since at the end of the day does it stop at ganeymede or will it keep going- they are giving tokens once they have won.

6. Personophene and Keith, Keith apologises since Personophene hates Hades he thought and she blinks “I’m a god, I don’t eat. Period. I knew underworld food would keep me trapped I hadn’t eaten in months and all of a sudden I’m peckish? Pul-ease.” Keith blinked confused.

“And I don’t hate you, you didn’t ask to be born. And I know Hades returns to me in the end.” Personophene brushes his cheek “You have his eyes, maybe thats why I can’t bring myself to hate you.”

8. Lance remembers his mother, and he always heard the tale of Medusa and thought it was sad. So when they go to the statues, and realise it’s people Lance keeps talking about how sorry he was and how being how she looks was to protect herself, Lance wanted to sacrifice himself and asked to let Keith and Shiro go to save kids. Medusa turns him to stone then aphrodite turns him back and medusa decides to fight against rapists and attack them instead of taking it out of posedions kids.

___________________________________________________________________________

Journey towards the west,

And save the tragic three,

Punished by thy fathers,

For their own luxary,

Succeed and save more lifes from this venture,

Remember to be calm and endure their gruelling temper.

__________________________________________________________________________

Lance hides behind a pillar panting with a cut down his cheek. Oh god he was going to die!

“Hey!”

Lance turned to see Shiro lunge forward eyes closed “If you want a fight come and get me!”

Lance gaped what?

Lance scowled and saw Shiro with the shield looking through the mirror, and froze, Shiro always fought in gladiator fights, he was always the hero the sel sacrificing idiot. And Medusa she was scorned by posidion. This was his fight.

Keith- he had no idea where he was but, he stood up from behind the pillar luckily seeing the hose pipe in the corner. He used it and yelled.

"Medusa!" He heard her move and shivered waiting for the attack.

"Lance no!"

He aimed his water and it stopped her short, only for a second "I surrender!"

"...What?" She paused and Lance took a breath keeping his eyes shut. "Medusa, I always heard stories about you, some saw it differently, that athena changed you so no man would ever hurt you ever again not in that way- but it didn't matter because men take what they want regardless of what you look like."

He was shaking his water diminishing "I may be son of posedion but I am digusted by what he did and want nothing to do with him, but if you want to take revenge against him by hurting me," he outstretched his arms "That's fine- just let the other two go- they did nothing to hurt you, you can do whatever you want to me, but please, let them go."

"Why should I listen to your pleas? When posedian and Athena never listened to mine?"

"Because you'll be no better than them, just a monster preying on someone weak for your own justification."

"I am nothing like them."

"Then let my friends go...please."

Medusa tiled her head considering "Maybe I should do to you what posediian did to me," she leaned closer the snakes hissing across his cheek and Lance trembled "Send you back to your god with the pieces left, to show him what he did to me."

"He wouldn't care, he has thousands of children in the roman camp, percy is his favourite." She growled "Percy ripped my head off and stuck in a drunk mans fridge." Lance grimaced "And if you kill everyone of posedions children it won't make a difference."

"True, but it'll make me feel better."

"Then you won't be different than your tormentors."

Silence

"You know nothing, demigod."

oops she was pissed.

"Look at that." Lance pointed, knowing in the garden and where he was guessing he was pointing at the right thing.

"What?"

"That is a child correct?"

"So?"

"Did she deserve it? Was she any different than you? Her mother or father here? Did they honestly come here to attack you-"

"Well...no- but they-"

"Please, Medusa, they are people out there that hurt others the way posedion hurt you, ones who deserve justice. But not here. Not in this garden- it's your cage."

"No it's my haven and they still come here and hurt me."

"Then why stay? No matter what people will still try to use you- don't let them. I won't speak for Athena but, giving you the power to turn people to stone with just a look before they could even get ten feet in front of you, making your lower half a snake, making your hair venoumous, Those seem like tools to me, to stop people from touching you ever again."

Lance held his head up high his body trembling.

"As a son of posedion I'll take responsibility, but posedion himself wont since he won't see he's done nothing wrong, you can't hurt him so you hurt others weaker than you."

"no."

"you're a bully medusa, if anything that's worse, because you want people to hurt as much as you but you should know better and know how it feels to be violated."

"Stop it."

Lance opened his eyes and Medusa was looking away covering her face he gaped.

"Medusa?"

He took a step forward and she hissed "Don't look at me!"

He flinched ripping his arm back "I...I am terribly sorry, Medusa. You- no one deserves that. But staying here...it's not healthy. To repeat this over and over again until another demi-god kills you?"

She still had her face covered and Lance bit his lip "Medusa? C-can I touch you?"

She didn't move until a stiff nod.

He took a hesitent stop forward then hugged her, his hands only around her stomach and felt her tremble.

"It's okay to be mad, Medusa." She was trembling "It wasn't my fault."

"No it wasn't."

She started weeping falling to the ground and Lance moved with her.

"You- you need token to go to Hades?" She asked them finally wearing her sunglasses and hijab to cover her hair, Lance nodded "If you don't mind- if not we can go that's tottally okay-"

"No, it's the least I can do and...leaving here would probably be best for me"

A/N Another thing, why would Persphone and the lotus people have tokens to get to the underworld? Like the lotus and Nico and his sister so did persophone not care or know they were there? I mean the lotus would've told her since they're bffs who's visitng perce for tea partys and Medusa? I know people think Hades/Persphone are good but there;s different sides on one hand they are like beauty and the beast on the other, perse is another rape victim. I know I didn't write this correctly.

I just tried to write it the best I can but Lance has a reason for Medusa trusting him, even though he's the son of poseidon.

___________________________________________________________________________

“Cone on Keith wheres your sense of humour!”

“Lance, no.”

Lance grabbed his arm and dragged him backwards towards the carnival with Shiro following behind. Lance pulled Keith onto every ride forced him to eat cotton candy but what stopped Keith from snapping at the kid.

Was when Lance played a shooting range gane and gave Keith a hippo.

“Only the best for the prettiest boy.”

Lance grabbed his hand and pulled Keith fir more open stalls with merchendise.

Keithseyes were shinning theough the whole trip and Shiro was able to watch it all.

Carnival leads to persophene

After Aphrodite crisis to pair the three up.

Lance jumps at the teenage girl sitting at the pool beside him, “So why don’t you try them, I know you like them.” Lance flushed “What?”

“It’s obvious, except not obvious enough for those two. Love does make a person go blind.” Lance shook his head “What no? Come between Keith and Shiro?”

She looked amused as he babbled “I can’t do that to them, they’ve been through so much.” Lance looked over to the two his eyes softening “Shiro has been hurt so many times, gladiator fights? It was compeltely barbaric and his hair is white- and Keith he’s a demon with a sword and can raise skeletons from the dead! Both are so strong but only vunerable around each other...they’re perfect for each other. When I think of Soulmates I think of them two...I hope I can find someone like them one day.”

“Like them? Why not just court them, I doubt the two would mind.”

“Making them pick each other or me? That’s stepping down.” Lance said unknowing why this stranger tried to sabotage Keith and Shiro, was she a siren? If so it wasn’t working.

She shook her head “No, it is possible to be partners with three people. I should know, Hephaestus is very accepting of who I am and who I bed with.”

“Heph- wait.” Lance’s eyes widened in shock as he looks at the golden teen properly.

She was big, round belly and thick legs and arms with golden healthy hair curling at her shoulders her face plump lips tilted into a smile as sea green eyes seemed to swirl, unnatural. God like.

She looked exactly like the painting, Venus stepping out of her sea shell.

She stroked his face “We share waters, both are lovers of the sea.” She kissed his cheek “If Gods could adopt demi-children, all of Poseidon's folk would be mine. Artemis can do it, why can’t I?”

Lance gaped “I can’t turn my back on poseidon he’ll drown me.” She smiled “What’s wrong with co-parenting? Do him proud by defending his name and waters and do me proud,” She nudged his shoulder and glancing at Keith and Shiro “By falling in love.” Lance’s eyes widened “I give my blessing, and I wouldn’t do this for a lost cause I stoke the fires for love. Never extinguishing them.” Lance blinked and she was gone.

The beautiful teenager, Aphrodite.” Lance stepped out of the pool and almost stumbled at the looks Keith and Shiro had sending his way.

“What? What’d I do?”

“What were you doing?”

Lance shrugged “Having fun at the pool what of it?”

“Why sid that girl kiss your cheek?”

Lance blinked at Keiths angry response, any other time he would’ve felt hurt but he paused at what aprodite just said, he swallowed suddenly nervous but had to ask.

“Why? You jelous?”

Keith scowled “Lets just go,” Shiro gave him a look then followed “Come on we’re on a mission.”

Lance watched the two walk away his heart twisting. Keith didnt answer his question.

Ganeymede they use their powers keith summons dinasaurs lance dives underwater to save shiro (ganeymede drowns shiro as zues cant save him)

Ganeymede “Zues is gay!?”

Both Ganeymede Keith and shiro raised an eyebrow “Ih yeah, who wasn’t gay with the greek gods.” Lance felt as if his whole life was a lie.

“I feel like I should know this as a fellow gay,”

Keith oatted his head “Your a newbie gay it’ll take a while to figure out.”

Now the weird part “We uh, this is going to blow up in our faces isnt it.”

“What?”

“Posidion, Zues, Hades?” Dont they think they’ll be mad

Thunddr lighting

You had to say it

Hades! How can you just stand there do something about your son!

Hades: i dont really care?

What!?

First nico now keith ? I dont care!

[chikkou]

late to the discussion but what do you think about buzzo?

im definitely not as passionate about him as other characters in the series, but i find him pretty interesting... its fascinating the way he scapegoats brad for his own guilt about what happened to lisa, and then after brad mutates, has to come to terms with the fact that brad was not the monster he built him up to be in his head, and that he basically drove him to joy addiction and his untimely death for no reason

buzzo was at his peak power in the painful, and while its cool to see, i actually find it better as a build up to his downfall. he had most of olathe under his thumb, he was living this out this life of twisted hedonism with no one to stop him, and its not until he encounters brad after a long while of not seeing him that the whole thing starts to unravel. note his initial reaction when brad first encounters him in the painful - after doing his creepy drug dealer schtick, once he actually sees who hes talking to, the whole persona drops for a moment and he simply states, “oh... its you.” brad doesnt recognize buzzo, but buzzo recognizes HIM, and i think the sight of him brought back memories that buzzo wanted to leave behind him, thus why he began the game of torturing brad with impossible decisions (party member or all your stuff, party member or your limbs, etc). 

but that cant last forever. as much as buzzo wants to blame brad, deep down he KNOWS brad was not the one at fault for lisas death. he fights against that though, and keeps torturing brad until it kills him - but that isnt justice. it doesnt bring lisa back, or make up for the sins done to her, and he isnt even targeting the right person. he seems to have realized that in the joyful - hes miserable pretty much the entire game, and doesnt smile at all anymore (whereas in the painful, that big smile was his default sprite). he sleeps with brad beside his bed because brad is the last living tie he has to lisa, and torturing him had been the only way he could still feel connected to her before that. i think realizing that is what makes him change his mind about olathe and yado, and leads to him getting himself killed to stop yado. 

i definitely was a much bigger fan of buzzo in the joyful, because while he is formidable and threatening in the painful, in the joyful we get to see his entire web unwinding and the truth spilling out. he never really grew up properly. he was so wrapped up in that trauma, he never learned how to cope or move on, and it corrupted him from the inside out. he blames himself so much, he projected all that onto brad because he had to blame anyone else, and brad was a convenient sponge. but its himself that he really hates. this is most easily seen when he mutates in front of buddy and barely attacks her during the battle; he spends most of the fight crying, calling out for lisa, and biting himself to kill himself faster. 

speaking of buddy, its also interesting to note that he has zero interest in her, in ANY capacity - the only times he interacts with her were specifically designed to torment brad. he forces brad to choose between cutting off her nipple or killing all of his party members, and has one of his men hit her with a club in order to force brad to consume several joy pills. but he doesnt want her, and surprisingly, he is actually one of the less cruel characters to her. he is still cruel, of course, but i would put him pretty far down the list - he doesnt come anywhere near mr angoneli, who scars her face and wounds her eye, or yado, who killed her mother and abandoned her to use her as a pawn in whatever game he was playing with olathe. even brad technically does worse, since apart from making her kill at least two innocent men, he also kicks her so hard she flies across a room, and then beats her so badly she visibly begins bleeding while she is trying to protect marty. 

but he has no qualm with her. he actually helps her in the joyful, and more than once - he saves her from brad after he mutates (its unclear if brad would have seriously harmed her, but as there is a battle encounter between the two of them before buzzo steps in, its possible he could have), explicitly tells his joy boys not to touch her when she enters their hideout, and later saves her again from sweetheart, taking mortal damage in the process. i definitely think her resemblance to lisa is a big part of why, but more than that, i think buzzo at this point has become genuinely regretful - he knows he has done wrong, and a lot of it, but he cant just walk back all the things hes done. he helps buddy in such a way that it doesnt seem cognizant at first; after all, if hed wanted to harm her, he could have easily done so right at the start. buddy was alone and trapped between both buzzo and brad. but that was never his goal; his motivation, like brads, is almost exclusively centered around lisa, but when he has finally slain the last person who had any direct connection to her, he realizes that it is much, much too late. 

at the end of the day i guess what i find most interesting about buzzo is the parallels between him and brad, and his little “relationship” with buddy. brad and buzzo deal with near-identical guilt, as the only two people who knew what lisa was going through but didnt (or couldnt) stop it - but while brad internalizes that pain and primarily focuses on dulling the pain with drugs and alcohol, buzzo externalizes it and makes all those around him suffer instead. its heavily implied that his trauma from mutilating lisas face and practicing amputation on those animals gave buzzo some kind of amputation fetish, since many of his joy boys are missing one arm, and if buddy talks to them with her joy mask on, one of them will compliment her for having both arms, suggesting that buzzo does this somewhat regularly. he doesnt know what to do with those feelings, so he makes everyone in his life suffer as he is suffering, something that brad does unintentionally. theres just SO much to get into with him that its really hard to narrow it all down LMAO

[badbitchwhomeditates]

Who the fuck is this bitch?!

Read that again. 

The answer is complex, not simple, which is what complex means you dumb fuck ( beep language kiddo). Ok, lets try that again...

Bad Bitch Who Meditates, a 23 year old singer with dreams bigger than the world itself, which is both a good and a bad thing, we will get to the importance of duality later. Either way she´s been struck by lightning and pushed into a corner loads of times in an industry where you have to fight to be heard and seen through the smallest of cracks. And yes I might also speak about myself in third person a lot, simply because I'm practicing being the main character from all perspectives, telling my story but also making everyday feel like an adventurous movie ( therefore the narrator vibes help).

Complaining, complaning, victim mindset bla bla bla you might think, im not gonna bore you, you know that things can be quite shit and you’ve probably heard about the `struggling artist” and all of that before. 

 Lets spread some more negativity shall we ey? 

Maybe not that either, im just welcoming you in to my brain and my stream of consciousness on the journey of becoming or remaining? we shall see.

Im not gonna be here being all fairy lights and glitter in my eyes either, I am tho some days, but lately I’ve been bad, not a bitch cause I would never, slightly a bitch towards myself and I haven’t really done my meditation, its like the second I put down ” bad bitch who meditates, thats my slogan” in a song, I was like, cool its in a tune now so I’ve done the work I can relax. 

Nope, it doesn’t stop. 

Consistency in self care, healthy habits and your mental diet, the way you speak to yourself, it doesn’t stop. And its fkn annoying sometimes, especially when your chemical imbalance is so imbalanced that you don’t wanna get out of bed. Ive probably dealed with anxiety and depression since my debut on X-factor, oh yeah shit sorry, I have a name too, Im Awa and I won X-factor Sweden at 15 years old, completely changed my life like a marriage, for better or for worse. In that marriage I found myself, lost myself and now im kind of finding myself again...

Ok this is the part below where you get to knoooow me or something...

 I guess why I wanted to start blogging again is A) I need to hold myself accountable to remain consistent with my glow up, cause I can proudly say I’ve really done some amazing progress and inner work B) I need to continue doing that and find my healthy balance and not put too much pressure on myself, ya get me? C) maybe help take away the stigma regarding mental health, and I wanna focus on the solutions, thats my whole new life concept 10 % problems, 90 % solutions, like if we are discussing something thats the ratio. Cause how can we ever see a solution if we go slow dancing w the problem for ages? 

 I know it can feel fkn amazing and cozy, like when you’ve been in bed w someone thats clearly not good for your heartstrings but you stay there anyway because for right now it feels all warm and fuzzy. 

Oh silly girl, I mean forgiveness, forgiving other people and forgiving myself that is def something we are going to have to discuss as well, its one of the things I’ve tried to commit to this year. Ive come to the conclusion that its harder forgiving yourself after being too nice, theres only so much space on the scale for resentment, but you go to bed with you all the time and you beat yourself up on why you allowed that to happen? (Did that make any sense??) 

Again, another lesson, feedback that we can grow from. Mind management, one of my fav terms, mind over matter. Damn sure that can feel extremely provocative said in the wrong situation. Im gonna be honest on here, ill make an oath or whatever its called ( oh yeah im also Swedish so we will have communication problems here and there, but whatever, I call that acceptance) ill be honest, personal but not private cause I need to protect my energy. 

I would declare myself a self care queen but babe writing this, I just had a massive argument w my friend, that made me sad ( oh im a cry baby too, thats even the title of my EP lol), I hate conflict but im really trying so hard to stand up for myself and understand that my feelings are valid too and that uncomfortable situations are growing pains for our souls. I had my first panic attack in ages because this year is just shit and things that I’ve worked on for so long just crumbled down in front of me and I just felt like I was again taking two steps forward and one step back but at least we are moving. 

Im not all sad, I’ve rightfully so have had a few bad 72 hours I would say, I don’t like this time of the year that much.  But I know why, because I've been slacking w my routines, the ones we´ve carefully selected through trial and error inna real life and w my therapist ( she's real too but you get what im sayin) , it's ok not to be ok either but we have to put some kind of time limit on it so we don't sink into that deep hole again, i don't wanna go back there and I know what keeps me with my head above water and sometimes even frkn flying. We wanna stay consistent w the flying, that feels good, that's a goal now ok? Cause I used to fall into that trap of the deep hole until the pain of the known got far greater than the fear of the unknown. 

Im happy we are here today, because as I said 10/90, nothing last forever, good or bad, which is comforting. Things will get better and we hold so much more power in our minds and souls than we realize that ultimately will mirror how we experience life. So im going to be on here, at least once a week, my therapist tells me not to set up crazy goals that I know I might not do because then it will make me feel shit etc so once a week feels reasonable.

 Im open to suggestions about what we can chat about, ill share my 10/90, I want my clever friends to maybe drop a quote or blog here and there, Im good on camera, like vlogs or some shit. I probably wont bring you around all the time cause I don’t have the technological brain cells for that to be very honest with you. Maybe ill just come up with cute formats to the camera, thats a word you are going to hear a lot, ”format”, I have a concierge business w my friend Amy on the side of my music career called ” Pure Intuition”, basically we create events, formats and campaigns for brands and make them come true with the right profile etc and we create FORMATS, but if you missed it or if I was unclear Im a super cool singer signed to Columbia UK which was my childhood dream, so we are going to make Columbia our BITCH in 2021 hihi <3 <3. I studied economic entrepreneurship in college and im very business savvy, I love creating formats lol. Im slowly but surely building my fempire. What else, boys, I like boys, men, cute ” god spent some extra time on you”- looking boys, I mean men. I guess we will touch on that in the most anonymous manner, maybe ill just share some past flings cause you know, they’re in the past, passé. So yeah who the fuck is this bitch? you will find out alongside me, myself and I

get ready for the ride

love and light,

badbitchwhomeditates 

[tillman]

Pls infodump about lancelot from what i observe almost everyone hates him? (Ok its understandable bec of his affair with queen) im curious why do you like lancelot? And i remember a few days ago you post that there so many things you want to talk about him? And i want to see you rant/gush about his character, relationships, mental illness, his flaws etc ans also what is the difference between fate lancelot and lancelot in the legends? I want to know more about him he is complicated

OK its not that everyone hates him its that people hate what he stands for. the french side of arthurian lit is VERY focused on making lancelot seem like the greatest knight in the entire world because…. wow… hes french. and french people suck. stop normalizing the french. i like lancelot because of what he COULD stand for. theres a lot of things that could be delved into more (his mental illnesses, his communication issues, his inability to comprehend love, the struggle with being unholy or wrong, ect) but no one ever does. so i stole him hes mine now fuck the french they did him dirty.

uhm ok this is under a cut for talks of kinda heavy topics (lots of mental health talk, lots of abuse talk) and also cus its long. sorry i have a lot to say about him) 

i like lancelot a lot cus i see myself a lot in him. mostly in his mental health and how he ends up dealing with situations. his struggle with violent mood swings and his huge burden of being labeled as a sinner or whatever for a relationship he admits to feeling trapped in is…. relateable… comforting to see in a fictional character i guess. as flawed as he is hes still heralded as a good person. hes still loved by his friends and his family. and thats nice.. i like it. 

uhm for his mental health the main thing that comes out is his struggles with trauma, awful depression, and also just the fact he dissociates a lot. in knight of the cart he is so out of it he doesnt realize a knight is attacking him until hes thrown into the water in which he reacts violently and freaks the fuck out, trying to rip the guy off his horse. he like. physically can not handle extreme emotions and will either fall asleep so he doesnt have to face it (le morte says this is a known quality of him, he does this enough dinadan expects it as soon as he gets mad) or he swings so hard he has an extreme bout of depression (in the vulgate when trying to comprehend his relationship with guenevere and galehaut he just shuts down and spends all his time sleeping or staring at the river) or awful mania (see: the many times guenevere freaks out at him and he gets so upset he jumps out a window and lives in the woods). Lancelot has a lot of unworked out trauma from being r*** twice by the same woman who continues to use him and freak him out so much he cant find camelot safe (triggering another huge spike where he runs off into the woods) or the literal entire end of the legends where he has to deal with the trauma of while having one of his dissociative episodes in combat he accidentally kills gareth, someone he loves and adores like a brother or son and gets so upset he just accepts everything happening and hides in joyous gard, where his cousins have to BEG him to go and defend his honor from gawain whos basically knocking on his door pleading with lancelot to kill him. 

lancelots inability to understand a lot of social nuances is also really interesting but like, ultimately leads to a lot of strife for him most namely galehauts death and gueneveres constant abuse. The thing is Lancelot basically idolizes guenevere and this is where a lot of the abuse and weird shit comes from in their relationship. lancelot was a very young knight who honestly didnt understand anything about BEING a knight when he came to court. the queen knighted him and him, being young and not understanding, took this as “i am her knight! i will do anything for her!” and guenevere just kinda ran with this? i dont rlly wanna go too into it ill do that later when i get farther in the vulgate and can talk more on it but it leads to lancelot being trapped in a relationship he admit hurts him, but the small sliver of love guenevere gives him when she needs him is enough to keep him in because his mindset is still “im her knight! this is what a knight should do for his lady!” Galehaut is a different situation where his blindness to social cues and other shit leads to a lot of drama and hellish shit and when he finally snaps and realizes “oh. oh no this is what love should be” its too late and galehaut is dead and lancelot isnt much better. his own mother has to come and convince him not to literally kill himself over this and sends him into a spiral of depression where he doesnt leave the joyous gard for months. when he does and when he comes back to court, no one really … cares? that galehaut is dead. and this is lancelots first experience with actual love and his first experience with the death of someone close to him. which is an awful double whammy to have to experience. he does have good friends like gawain and dinadan and tristan and his relationship with galahad is good but they all end up dead or turned against him by something thats he did and its just. god its so sad to watch. the only people lancelot is left with in the end are his cousins, and even at the end of all of that hes left alone with the corpses of people he thought he loved. 

like hes a very flawed man. lancelot is a problem causer and not a problem solver. he doesnt try to he really doesnt, he strives to be the perfect knight mostly for some sliver of appreciation from someone he idolizes he never really ends up getting. he doesnt know how to cope, and ends up making things worse when he inevitably ends up screwing shit up because of this. hes called a sinner and unholy by god, and while he is very proud of his son for what he ends up achieving, has to deal with the trauma of the grail quest alone. he ends up killing someone he loves, and who genuinely respected and cared for him like a brother in a fit of him not being able to deal with heavy emotions. like he truly is in the wrong in most situations but like. in such a pitiable way. hes a good person, but lets his flaws overtake him a lot and pushes away the people who want the best for him. its like…. sad. 

(about to talk about fate u can drop off now if u just wanted to read my arthurian lit opinions :-) )

i could go off about fate lancelot and all the problems i have with him for hours but i think the main thing i wanna talk about rn is how they handle his internalization of his life and then just did nothing with it. his wish for the grail is just to be told he was wrong. thats so fucking GOOD!! in life he was heralded as the best knight like of course his one regret was that no one ever stopped him and went “you are wrong. this is wrong. you are doing the wrong thing.” and that being all he wants out of the thing that can grant any wishes is soooooo soo cool and neat. and then they just reduced his personality to “oh boo hoo im so sad im going to fuck a married woman now” like. the fucking dissonance. like lancelot isnt the type for random flings. tristan sure i understand that a bit hes unhinged and hard to characterize and .. honestly does just go around fucking married woman. weirdo. but lancelots entire struggle is over his relationship with guenevere being both wrong morally and literally abusive! i jsut dont get it i dont understand how they built up something so interesting with zero and threw it all out the window it makes me so mad. i dont even wanna talk about fate lancelot anymore rn its giving me a headache cus im so mad. 

[diaenerys]

were starting to go back to normal where i live and its affecting me surprisingly bad.

the first thing is that my social anxiety hasnt been this bad since i was a kid. i didnt think this would happen because i was still at work (where i live on weekdays and some weekends) through this entire thing, and most of the time i was actually away from home. i guess it didnt matter because i was always in a closed group of people that i feel really comfortable with. i first realized this yesterday when i went out by myself for the first time to buy some things at the store. this is a familiar route for me and its probably the place that i go to by myself the most. i even prefer going alone. yesterday it almost gave me a panic attack. not doing mundane things for so long has really restarted my brain. this is my default i guess. and its actually something i was looking forward to do, i was caught completely off guard by how it felt and that really scares me.

the second thing is that i realized what few people i have in my life and what few people i actually miss (its about two). ive always kind of been this person and since school ended its kind of gotten worse. i mean, in a truer sense “worse” is actually better. ive only had to care about people that i actually want to. but that still makes me sad. maybe because it feels like i should hang out with more people and more often and maybe it makes me feel like im missing something. but mostly i think its just that im so embarrassed about it. and that makes me the saddest because thats so fucking stupid. but now that i can see people again, it just makes me feel so bad about myself because i have a million things that i want to do and not enough people i can do them with. theres also people this virus has made me realize that i supposedly dont care about as much as i used to. that might be true, but im not so sure about that anymore. the lockdown gave me an excuse to hide deep inside my very limited comfort zone and now it feels like im trapped.

[blookmallow]

alright here we go its trial time babey 

----

WHY DO YOU HAVE BLOOD 

why is an autopsy cruel.... its essentially a medical examination. she’s a nurse. she’s the most qualified to do this 

i fuckign love gundam so MUCH

i still love this. party boy hinata 

GOSH I WONDER!!! WHO COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!!!! WHO WAS IN THIS BUILDING ALL DAY. ALONE. AND COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DONE THIS. I JUST HAVE NO IDEA

oh

i cannot BELIEVE hinata doesn’t see a problem with komaeda’s “ugh, HAJIME, it’s JUST a blood stain, it’s probably not even IMPORTANT just LEAVE IT” attitude here 

i love how needlessly fucking weird everything in this game is

I FORGOT ABOUT MONOMI JUST. HANGING THERE 

theres this new thing where your bullets become Swords and you have to Strike Down The Opponent’s Argument and its so dramatic and chaotic im laughing

i think im starting to get it but im not sure im a fan 

i fuckign hate teruteru what are you even TALKING ABOUT 

right around here i realized the reason komaeda’s voice was throwing me off so much, its the same voice actor as naegi. and i looked it up, they’re the same in the japanese version too so its probably intentional, but i either never realized this before or forgot about it 

and hearing this in japanese before like... you get the tone but not the actual Words if you don’t speak japanese, the translated text is there but. something about hearing the words (that I can understand, I only know a lil tiny bit of japanese) being spoken in Almost Naegi’s Voice But Wrong is fucking me up SO much

which is probably the effect it had on japanese speakers hearing it in japanese originally. the english VA is doing a really good job of reading these lines as fucking unsettling....ly as possible and i hate it so much. he talks so... slowly, like he’s drawing out and savoring every word, so it takes as long as fucking possible to get through his lines and it just gets increasingly more and more uncomfortable. it sounds like fuckign. mastermind AU naegi or something. its..... it sure is something 

GOD FUCKING FUCK

real talk why did they feel it was necessary to replay this audio sequence like 87 times 

oh god they made hangman’s gambit SO MUCH WORSE FUCK THIS 

jfkdsgh why does teruteru point this out this is DIRECTLY PLACING YOU AS THE MOST LIKELY SUSPECT 

oh my god shut the FUCK U P 

i love making my poor protagonists say stupid shit “WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS” “IT COULD ONLY HAVE BEEN...... ME!!!!!!” “wait. no” 

also what the fuck happened with teruteru’s accent here i think they were going for like. “he’s actually a country bumpkin after all” but it’s this ridiculously exaggerated fake ass cajun accent, while later on when we get the flashback with his mom she sounds just normal southern, so like.....  What Even

it sounds SO BAD and its bizarre to me because like. i was also gonna comment on how good his voice sounds ordinarily his voice actor does a really good job and its like. this clash of “wow i love this voice and i hate this character so much” but then it gets to the accent slip and its just a MESS 

i mean i guess its supposed to be funny but it sounds less like “holy shit he was doing a fake voice the whole time” and more like “he’s just absolutely losing his mind” 

like in dr1 celestia’s voice sounded Off the whole time and then when she slips you can tell it’s her real/natural voice at the end and its like “OH. THATS WHY”

and it doesnt help that it. took me a while to realize he was doing a cajun accent in the first place i thought for a second it was like...... a really racist “”black guy voice”” or something 

anyway its REAL BAD 

i forgot “teruteru Could Not Have Been There because hes a nasty pervert and would ABSOLUTELY have remembered this” ended up being his downfall LMAO

how does tsumiki even keep landing like that. is she doing it on purpose

i mean considering this exact same thing happened before when he Was there to witness it would it really have been that hard to just bluff it like “mm yeah of course i remember B)” 

then again i guess its possible they could’ve been leading him into a trap and expecting him to say that and then they could’ve been like “gotcha she just fell like a normal person this time”